Rental Car Rip-Offs

[NOTE: I have closed my Yahoo website and I’m moving that content to this site. Look to the right of this note and find “Home” and “Fun page.” I’ve just added “Favorite Links” and an “Afghan” button. Click on the buttons from time to time for additional information and updates. New blogs posted every weekend. For previous blogs please visit “blog archive” to the lower right of this screen. Click on the small black arrows for a drop down list.]

     My daughter recently spent three weeks in paradise. She works hard and earned every minute of her time far away in the middle of the ocean. She swam with turtles, took naps in the sand, walked for hours exploring grottos and pools and ponds, drank gallons of Kona coffee, went parasailing for the first time, snorkeling for hours, went on a catamaran outing with a gourmet lunch on a deserted beach, and drank tropical drinks loaded with fruit and topped off with umbrellas. When she came home she moved as though in a fog. She was relaxed and happy. Until she got her credit card bill.

     Vacation rip-offs are plentiful. There are so many ways to rip off a tourist that books have been written on the topic. A brief visit online with appropriate search words brings up enough reading to make one never want to leave home. Fighting the rip-offs has become a way of life. Take a vacation, come home and fight for weeks. And that’s where she is right now. Summer is over but the rip-off memory lingers on---and on and on and on.

     Of all the rip-offs the car rental industry seems to top the list. There’s a wonderful website entitled “Rip-off Report” where we can take a peek at things to avoid. I spent the better part of a day researching various websites in preparation for this posting and it was frustrating and very sad. People work so hard then spend that hard earned money on vacations that sometimes simply don’t materialize. Sometimes the rip-offs occur when the tourist gets to the airport only to discover the vacation they booked doesn’t exist and the scam includes airfare. Sometimes the rip-off occurs when the person reaches their destination only to discover that the beautiful resort they booked with a view of the beach is a rundown bug infested room near a dirty creek.

     We are at the mercy of razzle dazzle websites when we book trips and there are still unscrupulous agents should we desire to have our trip planned for us. Whatever, the price we pay has no bearing on whether or not we are getting ripped off. However, we are somewhat safer if we stick to high end plans---but not always.

     My daughter arrived in Maui (exhausted) and took the car rental shuttle to the agency she booked weeks before her vacation. She paid for the entire vacation up front. She arrived at the rental counter expecting to pick up her key and head to her condo so that she could run to the beach! There was a long line. Of course every person in the line was tired and crabby and many had very tired and crabby kids. My daughter just focused on the beach. It would all go away in a few minutes and she would be on the beach. The beach, the beach, the beach . . .

     As she stood in line she heard each crabby customer complain that they just wanted their key and their car. But the counter rep pushed insurance with each guest. In fact, it appeared to my daughter that the agency rep was deliberately holding up the line to force people to purchase rental car insurance before she would allow them to leave. No one took the insurance. When my daughter arrived at the counter the same counter rep started pushing the insurance. My daughter is not one to push so an argument developed. My daughter explained the facts of life to the rep and was soon on her way a lot faster than other frustrated customers.

     The counter rep was rude, frazzled, unprofessional, and over her head. When my daughter took the car back after her three glorious weeks she checked in and was told she was “paid in full.” She left with the happy glow of a wonderful vacation tucked in her pocket.

     Shortly after returning home she received a charge on her credit card statement for $624.76 from the rental car agency. Yep, it was for the car rental insurance that she and everyone in line declined that beautiful day in paradise. Every day since the statement came she has been on the phone with the rental agency. She has had countless dropped calls, nasty employees, transfers to other nasty employees, and ultimately zero help whatsoever. She then went to her credit card company and they are examining the complaint via their tiresome system and have offered some support as she debates the issue. They have not agreed to remove the charge however but rather are battling with the rental agency as she is. She also complained to the website where she booked her entire vacation and they are offering “some” assistance. Basically, however, it’s all her battle. And it’s been several weeks so far. She eventually had to make a payment just to keep her credit from tanking.

     Most personal car insurers cover car rentals. Prior to my daughter’s vacation she checked to make sure her coverage does that and it does. Some of the car rental complaints stem from damage to the car. The tourist isn’t informed there’s damage when they return the car but they receive a charge on their credit card after they return home and later learn it’s to repair the car they damaged. Though they did not damage the car it’s hard to dispute. Some sites recommend photographing every square inch of the car when pulling into the parking area of the agency with a newspaper showing the date you returned it and that it was undamaged. One young man booked a certain car and when he got to the agency to pick up his rental was told the car he reserved was not available and they bumped him up to a fancy car. He complained but they assured him he would not be charged for the upgrade. Very funny. It took him a year to fight the charge and he only received a partial refund.

     There’s a special place in hell reserved for senior citizen rip offs. There are people who rip off seniors in countless ways of course. I’m constantly warning my mom. At her house yesterday she had an “official” document with giant “property tax” info stamped all over it. She was panic stricken that there was a problem with her taxes. It was a scam. I pay all her bills so she wouldn’t have paid anything even if she tried but not all seniors are that lucky. Seniors are routinely ripped off on vacations.

I could go on. And this could turn into a multi-part blog just on the topic of rental car insurance rip offs. Like how the counter reps are compensated for all the insurance they push successfully. However, consumers must not give in and accept the nasty charges. Report them everywhere possible. Write to the CEOs of the companies, tell friends, put it in all posts online, tell everyone everywhere. When standing in line at a rental car agency the next time tell everyone in line, loudly, and wear a sign on your chest so that the counter agent sees you are not interested in insurance. (That last one may be over the top.)

     So my daughter is still fighting the battle and has now started a writing campaign via certified mail and of course is telling all her friends. I have deliberately not used the name of the agency at this point in the event they do right by her. We are giving them 10 days from the receipt of her detailed letter sent to the CEO. If they do not reverse the charge I will post it everywhere I can. For now, if you are interested in knowing which agency it is (it doesn’t matter because I found complaints for all of them) I will share it with you via an email to me at sharonstrawhandgarner@yahoo.com and you MIGHT avoid a similar fate. But I doubt it.

     Consumers must fight every fraudulent practice and if they are not able to fight it for themselves, they must find someone to do it for them. Don’t let these companies get away with it.

[Update: As of this writing, the final word from the Maui office is: no refund. The fight continues. We haven’t heard from the CEO yet.]

[No part of this content may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author. Blog series began in March 2009.]

Help! I have a pain in my technology!

[NOTE: I have closed my Yahoo website and I’m moving that content to this site. Look to the right of this note and find “Home” and “Fun page.” I’ve just added “Favorite Links” and an “Afghan” button. Click on the buttons from time to time for additional information and updates. New blogs posted every weekend. For previous blogs please visit “blog archive” to the lower right of this screen. Click on the small black arrows for a drop down list.]

     Oh, the agony and the pain. Nothing upsets us more than change. How many still long for their good ole’ horse and buggy. How about those old wringer washers? THOSE were the good old days. And over the last couple of days, it’s happened again. Much more widespread than the automobile replacing the trusted horse---and with lightning speed. In just a few short hours Facebook made significant changes and all the “friends” are in a frenzy. It was the lead story on the evening news. THE LEAD STORY.

     I don’t particularly care one way or the other. I’ve been around long enough to have experienced mind boggling changes the likes of which my grandmother who lived to 91 wouldn’t believe if she were alive today. I can barely believe some of the changes and I’m actually living through them. Again, I don’t care. The reason? Changes, i.e., learning new things, keeps us sharp.

     I remember years ago in my last office we switched from an ancient traditional phone system to something more involved (and evolved) and designed to actually be more efficient. In my memory it was the most significant change I ever experienced in an office and that new phone system was installed in the early ‘90s. It’s an antique now. Sort of funny as I think back on it. It almost ruined the staff. It was so upsetting (and so hated) that I developed a system for training everyone. I made up a series of daily “tips.” My logic was simple. It was way too hard to learn the entire system all at once, even though I did, but I figured one or two tips per day wouldn’t kill anyone. I was marginally successful with the tips and we eventually all adjusted to the new phone. Out with the damn little pink messages, in with voicemail! It was heaven for those of us writing those little pink messages.

     Facebook is fun. I peek at it from time to time, I post a few pictures, and I read what my friends are doing and check where they are in the world and what’s going on in their lives. I’ve “found” so many old friends and it’s wonderful to see their names and faces each morning as I sip coffee. It’s a great tool made possible by incredible technology which we never knew would exist just a few short years ago. And here we are loving it and using it and some of us are quite expert at utilizing all its features. Until yesterday. [I wrote this on the Big Day of Change(s).] And I understand more changes are coming our way. One of the reasons the changes were designed is to remain competitive in the faster-than-the-speed-of-light changes taking place all over the world 24 hours a day in technology.

Google has introduced its version of Facebook and I’ve signed up to check it out and it’s quite nice. I haven’t explored it fully but I don’t see anything I don’t like. It’s the same with Facebook. I’ve often thought I’d like to see things work differently here and there but for the most part it was easy for all levels of computer savvy types to use it for fun. It isn’t rocket science. All they’ve done is try to make it more fun for us. I’m sure if it doesn’t work out they will change it. I’m positive they will change it. I’m positive changes occur in technology minute by minute and we only see the tip of the iceberg. Sometimes I think about what’s going on in the world and it’s dizzying. But at my humble level it’s just fun. So far. 

     At the grocery store today a woman in line held us all up because she wrote a check. Not only did she write the check but she wrote slowly and then spent more time than I could possibly imagine filling out her check record. [A check is a small rectangular piece of paper that when written on and presented to one’s bank permits funds to be transferred from the payer to the payee. At one time it was considered high tech. We didn’t use cash---we used a check.] When the clerk handed her the receipt she informed check lady that if she filled out a little survey online (pointing to the website address on the receipt) she would be entered into a contest to win $1000 just for filling out the survey regarding customer service. The woman looked at the receipt and said, “I don’t have an online.” Her words exactly. She smiled and walked away and I finished my transaction and I passed her in the parking lot and loaded my car. As I pulled away she had just reached her car and was unlocking it, manually. Oh, she was NOT a senior citizen. I was the senior of the two of us, by many years.

     I admit I’m not thrilled with the new Facebook changes at the moment. I was comfortable flipping here and there and checking all my familiar places but I know that in a few weeks or less I’ll be right back where I was. If not there are many other competitive “books” I could try and they will be more than happy to find all my friends for me and send invitations. Many people belong to many social networking sites. I use Twitter every day too. I’ve been on it a very long time. Long before we heard about tweets on the evening news. It’s very easy to use and was easy to set up.

I no longer play CDs on my stereo, I plug in my iPod. I got rid of my land line and I use my cell phone, a “smart phone” style, exclusively. There are so many smart phones you need a degree from M.I.T. to select the right one. In a very short time only smart phones will be available and the regular cell phones will go the way of the dinosaur. People will moan and groan when they have to give up their regular cells. I remember the groaning when we went from analog to digital. I have a satellite dish on my roof that I operate with such a wonderful remote that when I use my old remote in my spare bedroom it seems like something out of a Dickens story. I remember the days when I had to help everyone program their VCR players. Does ANYONE own a VCR player? I have one somewhere. Wonder if I’d remember how it works???

I’m in the mode. I’m into the tech world and all its changes. And when I obtain a new technology I take the time to learn it because I know it won’t wait for me. If I don’t like it I go elsewhere. I have to learn new things all the time. Now more than ever. A 66-year-old brain needs the stimulation and frustration new technology provides.

Yikes. This is more stressful than I thought. I think I’ll email my doctor. He’ll email a prescription to the pharmacy and they will mail it to me. They have my payment information on file. But first I’d better check my balance on my bank’s website. If I don’t have enough to cover a prescription for my nerves I can transfer some from savings online. There I think I’ve got it covered. And it only took a couple of minutes and I didn’t use the car.

     I’m not going back. We can’t go back. It’s not going to stop. We have to suck it up and hang on for the ride. We can still complain to the creators of whatever technology is bugging us but don’t expect too much sympathy. By the time they read our complaints they have already designed the new changes for next year and the year after that. Those changes are lined up on a runway and are ready to take off. Bring it on.

[No part of this content may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author. Blog series began in March 2009.]

I Gotta Keep On Moving!

[NOTE: I have closed my Yahoo website and I’m moving that content to this site. Look to the right of this note and find “Home” and “Fun page.” I’ve just added “Favorite Links” and  an “Afghans” link. Click on the buttons from time to time for additional information and updates. New blogs posted every weekend. For previous blogs please visit “blog archive” to the lower right of this screen. Click on the small black arrows for a drop down list.]

     No, I’m not going to write about Bob Marley (though I’d love to and just might one day). While listening to his music this morning that song title inspired me to write about---movement for seniors. Not quite as significant as his song but super important just the same. It’s so much more than daily exercise. It’s a way of life. It’s how we set a style of living. We gotta keep on moving. All day, every day. Like it or hate it we MUST move. And often.

     Years ago some exercise gurus suggested brisk walking for twenty or thirty minutes three days a week. That hardly seemed worth the effort of getting out of bed. Over time most experts decided that in addition to a daily exercise routine we must increase our activity throughout the entire day. Theoretically we could do our hour at the gym then crawl back in bed until the next morning. Not a good plan. It would probably be better to be active all day and skip the gym than to go through the day like a slug and break a sweat for an hour at the gym.

It’s hard for office workers to get the type of activity we need and during my work years I was glued to a desk. My fingers got lots of exercise but that was it. Oh, maybe my brain (on a good day). I walked a bit here and there and on breaks and took occasional exercise classes and joined gyms but none of it worked well for me. Work took up almost all my waking hours and the remainder of my life was spent with kids then preparing to go to work. I was active but not in the way exercise experts would approve of. And managing a family and work was stressful and tiring. Friends that went to gyms were gone from home for many more hours a day than I was by the time they factored in commuting and the gym and the grocery store and . . . well, I was never successful at that and gave it up.

     Now that I’m retired I am more active than I have ever been because I can be. I have the time. That’s the deadly secret. It takes time to be healthy. I’ve added yoga to my life which takes an hour and a half each day, I walk two dogs which takes an hour (though it isn’t aerobic because of all the sniffing and digestive stops), and I walk most days without the dogs at a brisk pace once I bring them back home. That would seem sufficient but I started reading more about being active all day and decided to try developing a more active way of going through my routine. The true key to a more efficient metabolism is consistent vigorous movement throughout the day. It sounds hard but I have found a way to add more movement and it isn’t hard at all. I wish I had thought of this when I worked and raised the kids. I know I would have felt a lot better.

     First, even though I’m retired I still spend a great deal of time at my desk. Not quite at the level I did when I worked in an office but I manage my bookkeeping and my mom’s bookkeeping on my computer, I have published three novels and I’m working on the next series (talk about sitting at a desk all day---and night), I write my weekly blog, I visit with friends via email and social networking, I continually work on my photo projects for the family, and other computer things too boring to mention. I am a bit addicted to my computer. So over the last few weeks I’ve started getting up frequently and I do a sort of jog-in-place with arm movements. Just for a few minutes or even seconds but often. Sometimes I stretch for about five minutes along with the jog.

     Next, as I go through my day I have developed a strange walk and concentrate on aerobic breathing. It’s somewhere between a light jog and a power walk. I don’t just walk to the kitchen to get a coffee refill, I do a little march/walk/jog step and I pump my arms. Seems silly? Well, maybe it is per walk but added up throughout the day it is quite a bit of extra movement, movement I had not incorporated into my life until recently.

     I discovered that like with most things we add to our daily routine it took some time to develop the habit of moving with purpose. Sometimes I would walk outside to get the mail and realize I didn’t utilize my new mini power walking routine. But now that I’ve been at it a while it’s become a habit. Basically, whenever I’m on my feet I put intensity into my pathway. Even the simplest trip is now a small workout. And when I do leave my desk in addition to the new higher activity level I also do a few things around the house or yard. If the weather is nice I’ll spend just a few minutes pulling weeds. Along the way I’m putting laundry away or emptying the dishwasher or a myriad of other tasks but only a little at time and with purposeful movement.

     I think that’s the key. Movement with purpose. I’ve only been experimenting with this new activity level but already I’ve noticed a tremendous improvement in my overall wellbeing. My customary periods of fatigue in the late part of the day have all but disappeared. In fact, when I feel that 3 p.m. wall that seems to hit so many of us I now find that if I get up and go outside and move around (energetically) it completely disappears. Better than coffee or an energy drink.

     As I sat here typing the first part of this post I remembered I left my cell phone in the kitchen and without hesitation I hopped up and did my weird jog with the exaggerated arm movements and realized that I do that all the time now. My son was visiting for the weekend and once or twice I started to move that way when it occurred to me he might think I’m losing my mind. I know my dogs think I’m strange. They stare at me when I race around the house and I’m sure they wonder. I minimize the movement slightly when I walk to the mailbox but I still do the little march/jog. I keep the arms in a more normal walking position to avoid frightening the neighbors.

     It doesn’t matter what we do but we should move about more throughout the day and when no one is around we can be as goofy as we want. It’s good for us in countless ways. Especially the goofy part.

[No part of this content may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author. Blog series began in March 2009.]

Cosmetic Surgery?

[NOTE: I have closed my Yahoo website and will be adding all that content to this site. Look to the right of this note and find “Home” and “Fun page” and click on them from time to time for additional information! New blogs posted every weekend. For previous blogs please visit “blog archive” to the lower right of this screen. Click on the small black arrows for a drop down list.]
 

The question: Do we age naturally and let it all go or do we ease our aging with cosmetic surgery? That’s a tough question because some of us do not age slowly with little changes here and there. Some of us hit it head on with results that look exactly like that---like we’ve been hit head on. The genes we have are the genes we get. Take a peek at older family members and be prepared to be horrified.

I broke my ankle a few years ago and it was taken care of following routine procedures. On follow up visits my doctor explained I might want a minor corrective surgery to fix a displacement issue that might cause limping. The pain of the ankle and recovery was so intense I couldn’t bear the thought of surgery and going through all that recovery. I was working full time then and was so happy to be back to normal. If I limped then I didn’t notice. I limp now however at certain times of the day. I am not considering surgery at this late date to correct the limp. My gate isn’t terribly weird looking but if I looked like the hunch back of Notre Dame perhaps I would request the corrective surgery. It’s all about degrees and what we can accept about ourselves.

My hair is gray now but it’s not a pretty white silvery gray. It’s mousy brown gray. It sticks up all over the place and resembles hair that grows in another region of the body. Coarse, weird, mousy brown hair. Oh, and a bizarre “curl” but it really doesn’t qualify as curls. I have (or had) straight hair so where did this “curl” come from? Judging from my inspection of relatives on my dad’s side of the family, whom I favor, it will stay that way. I’ve always been blond and I may go back to the coloring routine. Not only will the mousy brown be gone but coloring the hair also changes the texture of the hair. With blond it usually de-frizzes it. I’m holding off for a few months.

It’s not vanity entirely. It’s also difficulty dealing with the weird hair follicles that stick up and my stylist hates the texture so her cuts have been less than stylish. She now favors a little boy cut. It’s cute but I have NO hair.

I plaster it all down with goo in the mornings but by noon it starts sticking up again. She has adjusted the cut to enhance the strands so that it looks like it’s supposed to do that. I suppose I could just shampoo and head out the door and not give a damn. But I do give a damn.

My eyelids droop after noon. Countless people ask me if I’m “okay,” or “Oh, is something wrong,” etc. Even my family says “Hey, what’s wrong? Have you been crying?” By early evening I look like I’ve attended a funeral. My friend’s husband had the same problem and he wasn’t even 50 and I’m 66. He still worked full time and felt his staff was thinking he was too tired, i.e. old, for the job. He also experienced discomfort and my lids have gotten so bad that I have to adjust my head to accommodate the droop when reading or cutting vegetables. That’s just dangerous. There’s a simple cosmetic procedure for it with subsequent pain and an ugly healing period but he looks his age now and feels so much better when reading and working.

Some of my friends with giant breasts now have genuine pain and discomfort as those things bounce around their knees. A few have had “lifts” and feel a thousand times better. Two friends had breast reduction surgery because they hated how people looked at them and no bra in the world concealed their mammoth size. Once they had the surgery they looked and felt great and one runs marathons now which she never could have with those things beating her up as she ran. She has permanent indentations on her shoulders from industrial strength bras.

I lost my teeth in a car accident and have a full denture on the top of my mouth. I suppose I could have done without but to what end? Would I ever get a job? A husband? A friend? Wouldn’t people wonder why I didn’t have teeth? Would I wear a sign saying “I lost my teeth in a car accident not from poor dental hygiene”? Interestingly, my insurance did not cover the denture because it’s considered cosmetic. Really? Teeth aren’t necessary for eating? I guess not.

To what extent can we accept ourselves with our without assistance from the drug store or the cosmetic surgeon? Do we have procedures done only when we feel discomfort? If so, some insurance companies will pay for that type of corrective surgery. My friend with the eye lift and friends with the breast lifts were happy to have had good news from their insurance companies.

What about the pain in our ego? Some egos are so fragile they can’t manage aging without procedures. Others don’t care. I am in the middle somewhere. I don’t care that I look older but I don’t like that people thinking I’m crying in the afternoons. I don’t think I could go shopping or out to lunch without my teeth. My breasts are small but even so have headed south so I’m wearing sports bras but years ago I was very thin and wore bras with inserts so that my clothes would look right. It’s impossible for a thin person with no breasts to buy a swimsuit.

As in all areas of life going to extremes in anything (alcohol, medications, inappropriate clothing as we age, hair color [red at 90?], cosmetic surgery) is a dilemma. A little nip and tuck if it makes the person feel better or corrects a discomfort is not bad. No worse than using foundation makeup, mascara, lipstick, wrinkle cream, hair gel, hair spray, hair color, wigs (my mom has a huge bald spot), support underwear, loose clothing, sensible shoes, nail polish, and the list goes on.

A person working in a corporate position in the golden years must wear a uniform of sorts. Proper clothing for a high level position is necessary for men and women of any age. We all have our values for aging. I don’t mind getting old and looking my age but I don’t want to look older or like some kind of witch from a Disney movie. When children start running and screaming when they come near me I will head to the surgeon that very day. Until then, just a little makeup and hair color and a support bra will take care of me. For now. I’m going to hold off on a face “do over” for a bit longer but I haven’t ruled it out. At the first encounter with a terror stricken screaming child as I walk down the street I’m taking out an equity loan.

[No part of this content may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author. Blog series began in March 2009.]

Bad Parenting

[NOTE: Look to the right of this note and find “Home” and “Fun page.” Click on them from time to time for additional information! New blogs posted every weekend. For previous blogs please visit “blog archive” to the lower right of this screen. Click on small black arrows for a drop down list.]

    Since time began we have heard stories about horrible parents. In modern times TV brings it to us on a daily basis. And those are just the parents that are caught. The parents I’m referring to are so neglectful or downright evil that their children end up dead. It is far beyond the term “bad parenting.”

Earlier in the week I read about two adult siblings who sued their mom for “bad parenting.” Their father, an attorney, represented them in court. They had an upscale upbringing in a beautiful Chicago suburb. Their claimed damages were (and I quote from the news article): “Cards they didn’t like, checks not in the correct amount, and gift bags they didn’t like.” Apparently there were other similar slights. The daughter was “forced” to be home at midnight after a homecoming dance, etc. Basically, they felt their mother was a cold person and their father, divorced from the mother, was all too eager to sue his former wife on their behalf. Based on the offenses these poor suffering children experienced I could soon find myself in prison.

    First, our court systems are so overburdened with horrific crimes and civil suits over outrageous corporate shenanigans I’m completely stunned this case saw the light of day. One must wonder what the judge thought when this case appeared before him/her. Disgust I hope. I also hope there was a judicial scolding for all parties.

    Second, these people walk amongst us and I’m terrified. People with the mentality of these “children” are truly the ones ruining our society, not some poor undocumented worker slipping over a fence south of the border.

    Finally, I blame it all on TV.

    So my parenting “skills” were far more egregious than the aforementioned Chicago mother. For one, I ruled with an iron hand but I didn’t have many rules. I was often criticized because I gave my kids so much freedom. My kids were pretty much allowed all the room they needed to screw up and they did. I did have a few rules and if they were broken I became a screaming banshee.

    Once my son, aged six, decided to play at a neighbor’s house without telling me. He had been in the house watching TV and then he was gone. I did the usual searching and went outside and started hyperventilating. I knocked on that particular neighbor’s door but no one was home. I thought. I had spent about ten horrific minutes and was about ready to call 9-1-1 when my little towhead moseyed on down the street. I saw him, he saw me, and the race was on.

    Nothing is more slippery than a terrified six-year-old. I could not catch him. He ran into the house and into his room and slammed the door. I stood on my porch and did deep breathing. During this exercise I remembered my three-year-old was inside sleeping (I hoped) so I went inside and sure enough she was sound asleep. I stood there wondering what I was going to do then decided I needed to know where he was NOW and what he was doing. When I opened his door he was standing on his bed with his back pressed against the wall. His skin was white and I think his hair was standing on end.

    To make this long story short(er), he had indeed gone to see if the kids were home at the neighbor’s house. They were and they were all in the back playing and the mom was gardening. No one heard me ring the bell or knock on the door. The first words out of his mouth were “I forgot tell to tell you I was going to play.”

    To this day that’s all I remember about the event except I can still see his terrified face as he stood on the bed. One would think that I was a child beater and that he received beatings with a two by four on a regular basis. Nothing could be further from the truth but I think I scared him to death with my mere presence and appearance. Though he was white as a sheet and cold and clammy with fear I believe I trumped him. My eyes hurt from bulging them out with fear, my skin hurt from extreme tension, I had chest pains, and I was wearing my nightgown as I charged through the neighborhood. Did I mention this was early in the morning?

    Once in the middle of the night I heard a noise in the kitchen. I thought one of the cats had found something so I ran down the hall toward the back of the house. As I approached the entry to the family room and kitchen I noticed an orange glow. I immediately thought a fire had started but when I rounded the corner I found my daughter standing on a chair looking down at the stove. All the burners were on. I had the presence of mind to not scream as I looked at her long blond hair and instead made a small noise and calmly said “oh, you shouldn’t be doing that” and she smiled and backed away and got off the chair. I continued toward the stove and turned it off and took all the knobs and threw them in the trash can in the garage. For the remainder of our time in that house we had to turn the stove on with a pair of pliers. The stove was old and over the years manufacturers have made stoves more difficult for children to “play” with. I think I know why. Again, I don’t recall what happened after that discovery except I think I had that “scary mother” appearance and I remember she ran to her bedroom as fast as her little legs could take her.

    Once she was gone I do remember I threw up and coughed and choked and cried and ended up in the bathroom for two hours.

    Spanking was still in favor when my kids were little and they did get the occasional spanking. The two events above were not spanking events because I think I might have not been able to control myself so instead I just internalized all the anguish and let it go through my digestive system.

    There were other events over the years but eventually I learned the secret to discipline and it was better than spanking: removing privileges for offenses. Screw up, no TV, can’t go to party, can’t go to dance, can't use car, must stay in room for ten years and so forth.

    When they started driving I only had one car and we all shared it. I used it for work and they fought over it the minute I got home. However, terrified of poor teen driving I forced them to drive with me when they obtained their learner’s permit every single day for two hours when I got home from work. In the rain, on the freeway, all over town, and so forth. Not only did I insist on daily intense driving I paid for expensive lessons. In those days it wasn’t required. Also back then they were allowed to have friends in the car when they became licensed drivers so I had digestive fear every time they left the house. I did do one rather naughty parenting thing. I lied and told them that we had limited insurance and that if they even got one ticket for any offense we would lose our insurance and would all have to take the bus everywhere we went.

    After my daughter had been driving a few months she told me I needed to get different insurance because none of her friends had such strict insurance about tickets. I was ready. I immediately responded, “Well, your friends must be rich because this is all I can afford.” She bought it. They are now 38 and 35 and neither has ever gotten a ticket or into an accident. I wonder if they have ever questioned their insurance carriers about what would happen if they do get a ticket.

    As parents we all make colossal parenting mistakes. I’m not talking about the monsters in the first paragraph. Just us ordinary moms and dads who screw up during the 18 odd years of parenting (and beyond) and if all of our kids grow up and sue us I think we may finally develop birth control that works.

    I hope they don’t read this. I don’t want the process server knocking on my door.

[No part of this content may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author. Blog series began in March 2009.]