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First, Happy Valentine’s Day! Though this day is mostly dedicated to romantic couples, many people also include family and friends in their good wishes for this day. It’s all about love—romantic or not.
Over the last few weeks as the day approached there were countless articles on the origins of Valentine’s Day and quite a few “reports” on the differences in perception by men and women. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being high regard, men voted zero and women 10. I don’t like broad generalizations but of the men I’ve known throughout my life only those completely in tune to their loved ones understood the importance of Valentine’s Day’s big question: do you love me? I did read an interesting article that homosexual couples are more equal in their treatment of the holiday. They have to fight so hard for their love to even exist that they value the message of Valentine’s Day and do not take it for granted.
Naturally, it’s a Hallmark day. The advertisements in print, online, on TV, and in stores has assailed us like crazy this past week and for those not in a relationship it can often be painful. The desire to be coupled is very strong and various cultures depend on this day to boost their love a bit, if only for a day. I’ve known women who fall into a deep depression as the day approaches and on the date itself eat themselves into chocolate oblivion. I often do that too because so much specialty chocolate is available but I don’t have to wait for the 14th to get into a chocolate frenzy and I’m never depressed on Valentine’s Day: I’m relieved.
Of all the types of love we have, romantic love is the one that involves the most work. We automatically love our parents, our children, our relatives, our friends and our pets. Those relationships can be challenging but the romantic attachment relationships are filled with angst and risk and feelings of doubt and even hate. Hate so powerful people kill their mates to end the pain. Though we can be betrayed by others we love (our dogs could even bite us), it is not the same type of pain that we feel when love goes wrong. And yet we have set aside a day to honor that type of love.
A trip through my old address book once cured me of that belief. Of all the loves I’ve experienced, the love of parents and children and friends (and pets) has sustained me long after romantic love crashed and burned. Apparently, that’s the case with MOST of the people in my address book. Before placing these pieces of information in my computer I, like countless others, penned them in books and each time a friend or family member divorced the scratch outs and re-writes filled the pages to the point that eventually we needed new books. The computer cleverly removes that agony from view. Once I put a new address in my computer I no longer see the history of broken dreams. I suppose I could keep a note of former addresses but why? I didn’t do that before and now with the computer I don’t see the need to do so either. They split, they are gone, and more often than not, I lose touch with one member of the divorcing couple. I can only imagine my name scratched out in countless address books for the same reason. But only once. Once was enough for me. I have never been a fan of “it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” What poppycock. I have a lifetime of other types of love and none of the rest of it comes with a broken heart and depleted bank account.
For those of you celebrating romantic love today, I salute you. Next Sunday, however, is the true test of what you declare today. I’m going to go hug my dog now.
Here's a fun history of Valentine's Day: (You may have to paste into your browser. Links aren't working here for some reason.)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine%27s_day
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