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As we go about our day-to-day lives we encounter many people. We stand in line with them when we’re out shopping, sit next to them in doctors' offices while we wait, have our hair done and visit not only with our stylists but also other patrons, we grumble to each other at the gas pump, and unless we are shy we have these pleasant exchanges fairly often. I know we have a few nasty encounters here and there as well but this blog is about the nice encounters.
Recently I visited my local Social Security office a few times with questions about my upcoming enrollment in Medicare. They open at 9:00 and there’s usually a line. Once inside we must go through a short security check and we are then asked whether or not we have an appointment. I have not had an appointment these past few visits because a few odd things popped up that I wanted to tend to immediately so I decided to visit without an appointment. Each visit was handled with efficiency and I left in a happy mood. During this time I also visited DMV. Visiting Social Security and the DMV in the same week made my knees tremble but both visits (multiple with S.S.) were uneventful and helpful. I do have another visit to go with DMV and I haven’t started trembling yet.
While waiting for my turn at S.S. the other day I struck up a conversation with a woman sitting next to me. We were both reading and it turned out we liked the same books and movies. How incredible it seems to me that the chance meeting of two complete strangers could turn into a fun experience. She was there without an appointment also and amazingly neither of us discussed our reasons for being there but rather launched into our interest in books and movies. Though we each brought a book with us neither of us read our books because of our impromptu visit.
We sat there for about 40 minutes and learned a few personal things about our lives (husbands, children, jobs, retirement circumstances, area of town where we lived) in addition to our reading and movie preferences. We laughed at a few things, and we both complained about a few things of a political nature we had been viewing in the news recently.
Finally, her number was called and she went to one of the windows. A few minutes later I was called. When my turn was over I left the building and drove home. It is unlikely I’ll ever see her again.
I’ve had this experience countless times in life where I’ve had a chance encounter with a stranger that was pleasant and life affirming. This is particularly true of one-day seminars, colonoscopies (yes, I struck up a great conversation with another patient waiting for the same procedure and it was hilarious), dental appointments, the vet, and the list goes on. In fact, visits to the vet are my favorite stranger encounters because we are all instantly bonded to one another over the love and care of our pets. Sometimes I’ve had to wait for quite some time with other nervous pet owners and the camaraderie is intense. Especially when meeting someone who is there for more than a routine visit.
I remember a visit not long ago where another woman and her husband and I spent a very long time (busy day for the vet) discussing almost every pet we ever owned. By the time it was their turn for their appointment I felt a little tug. I didn’t want this meeting to end but I knew it would and it did and I often wonder how their dog was after his visit. Or maybe I don't want to know. My visit was for a routine nail clipping and the couple thought it was quite funny that my dog was sleeping on my lap when their dog was having a nervous break down. That’s because the only way my dog can visit the vet is if she is drugged.
I was on a three-week jury trial a few years ago with a group of bright, thoughtful, sincere people. We bonded almost immediately. Before we were selected, I watched the attorneys examine the prospective jurors and noticed they were interested in a certain type of person. As people were excused and the list got smaller and smaller I became more and more eager to participate with this bunch. Finally, I made the cut and to this day I am so happy to have had this brief encounter with such a nice group. In fact, when the trial concluded we met one time for dinner to freely discuss the case without the structures set forth for us by the judge and it was fantastic. I was so happy to have had a final meeting and though many of these people could have become personal friends I knew we wouldn’t.
I’m not sure what it takes to develop a permanent friendship but some relationships are simply meant to be temporary. I suppose we could take it upon ourselves to propose additional meetings, coffees, lunches and eventually a friendship would develop but I’m not sure that’s the way to develop a friendship. Perhaps if we run into the same patient at the doctor’s office over and over we may eventually branch out but chance encounters of a pleasant nature are just that—chance encounters, not meant to last but meant to enjoy nonetheless.
Friendships often do develop when more time is spent getting to know the other person. I’ve made friends taking night classes, friends at work, neighbors have become friends, and sometimes friends introduce their friends who then become my friends too. Those friendships develop over time, not necessarily a long period but usually with more frequent visits so that the friendship simply develops and usually pushing for coffee or lunch isn’t necessary. It happens or it doesn’t.
But I love the brief encounters with friendly people waiting in line the most. Sometimes several people in a long line will strike up a conversation (like waiting for a movie or a concert) and everyone enjoys the wait and learns interesting things from each other. I recall a great discussion while standing in a “Star Wars” line many years ago. Many of the people had already seen the movie several times but I was a first-timer and they all gathered around me and my kids (tiny kids) and started jabbing me and telling me this and that was going to knock me off my feet and by the time we got inside I was so excited I almost burst.
Years ago I took my kids to see Olivia Newton John at an outdoor pavilion near the San Diego Animal Park. The line of people was fantastic. It was a warm southern California evening and as we all visited and laughed someone shouted “LOOK” and off in the distance we saw a small herd of antelope—--in the parking lot! They had escaped from their enclosure and were off and running. After that everyone was laughing and talking and then we started streaming into the concert and the good will and friendliness continued all night long.
Another time I took the kids to see “Wings” in Berkeley. Another fantastic evening of visiting with total strangers who were complete Beatles fanatics (like me) and after the concert we all walked to our cars singing Beatles songs. From the moment that we got there until we returned to our car we visited with happy strangers and learned so many things about so many people, people we’ve never seen again but that I remember with great fondness.
There have been great temporary friendships waiting in lines at Disneyland with entire families. Sometimes after the ride we waited for was over we would drift off to other rides with the same family then eventually we would all go our separate ways but run into each other from time to time throughout the day.
Over the last few years I have run into the same dog walkers every day when I take my dogs out for their walk. We exchange friendly hellos and/or growls and barks (depending on the dogs) and sometimes chat about happenings in the neighborhood. I worry if I don't see one of the regulars for a while then am so relieved when they appear for their walks again.
I hope making temporary friends is enjoyed by many of you reading today's blog. It’s rewarding and connecting and also helps pass the time while waiting, especially when visiting a government entity!
www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com
Each week in this spot I will report an instance of good customer service (if any) but without embellishment. Just an entity or an individual that knows how to treat customers:
This week I received excellent customer service from:
Social Security Administration-Santa Rosa Office
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