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Substance abuse ruins lives. Of all the substances that contribute to those lost lives alcohol still reigns supreme. I suppose because it’s easy to obtain and relatively inexpensive it is the most popular drug of choice. And it’s legal. I have lived in and around alcoholism my entire life. I’ve lived with alcoholics, worked with alcoholics, maintained friendships with alcoholics, and I’ve lived next door to alcoholics. No area of life is too far removed from alcoholism.
When I grew up the term “alcoholic” was not used. If someone had a drinking problem they were a drunk, a lush, a drinker, a boozer, and other such sad descriptive labels. If they received the title “drunk” that usually referred to someone who lived in a gutter on skid row (or who would soon BE living in a gutter on skid row) and the term was synonymous with “bum,” which has been upgraded to “homeless person.” We are now enlightened. For those too young to truly understand the term “skid row” here is a little video to enlighten them:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0kSBiu1IGk
Okay. So that was actually a little bit of fun, but the message is clear. Skid row is a place no one wants to be.
Growing up I heard adults discuss the various issues and concerns surrounding drinking and had close experience with abusive consumption of alcohol. I did not recognize that abuse as such. In fact, I was well into my 30s before I finally saw the little light bulb over my head. It finally hit me what was going on in the world of alcoholism and I was able to identify it. For so many years I did not understand the entire area of substance abuse.
In our youth we often overindulge in many areas of life and alcohol is usually one of them. In my youthful brain I saw that type of drinking as nothing more than exuberant and stupid behavior but because the people I observed in alcohol stupors were not “bums” and not living in gutters, I did not label them as “drunks” or later, “alcoholics.” It took attention from experts and increased awareness about exactly what it meant to be an alcoholic for me to realize how closely I lived and worked and recreated with many alcoholics.
We now all know there are many types of alcoholics and that it reaches into all lifestyles. It is the corporate executive, the teacher, the little old lady next door to us, the guy at the oil change shop, the grocer, the baker, the candlestick maker. It’s everywhere. And not all alcoholics are falling down drunk making it easy for us to identify them. No, many have managed to conceal their affliction to almost all around them. Especially in the workplace. The desire to drink is often superseded only by the desire to remain employed. Alcoholics are not stupid. These people know they must maintain employment and for many of them that’s all they are able to manage. They put all their energies into drinking and maintaining some level of employment and everything else (and everyone else) falls by the wayside. It’s all about getting wasted and there is no room for anything else.
I do not have nor have I ever had a drinking problem. I have a Margarita here and there when I’m out with friends or family. If I choose a Margarita then I won’t have wine with my meal. If I want wine, I skip the Margarita. I do not have any alcohol in my house. It isn’t because I’m a staunch teetotaler it’s just that I never think to buy it and frankly, it’s expensive so I prefer other items at the store. Sometimes at Christmas I receive a nice bottle or two of gift wine, which usually lasts me all year. Sometimes when I open a bottle of wine it sits in my frig for several weeks before it’s consumed one little glass at a time. Don’t get me wrong. I like wine and I like Margaritas and Appletinis. I’m just a lightweight when it comes to drinking. A little goes a long way for me. If I’m on vacation I may have drinks every day but I have gone on many vacations where that didn’t fit in. There were other things I wanted to do and drinking would interfere with the other activities. It usually does.
In my younger years there were a few times when I did drink too much on occasion. I was quite thin and if I had a cocktail prior to dinner it would hit me like a ton of bricks. One cocktail could put me under the table in those days. During my single years I attended parties where it was considered cool to drink to the point of vomiting. A badge of honor of sorts. I did that on several occasions and always hated it and hated that I felt obligated to do that to fit in with my friends. That is something some of us grow out of and I did. At some point I realized I didn’t want to be cool if it meant tossing my guts at parties. I did a lot of fake drinking.
That is often the point of realization for all of us. Some go forward with drinking throughout life at that point and some of us stop. If science could understand why some of us stop and some continue it would be tremendous. Science now explains that alcoholism and other substance abuses are physiological and seem to run in families and therefore we can’t help ourselves. How tidy.
If we have cerebral palsy, we can’t do much about it. If we have terminal cancer, we can’t do much about it. If we have muscular dystrophy, we can’t do much about it. If we are alcoholics, we can stop drinking. We absolutely can stop drinking. There are more substance abuse programs available than grains of sand. There are drugs that help people stop drinking. (How odd that is.) We are an addicted species and companies catering to that addiction are making huge sums of money. The alcohol industry gets us there and the “health care” system folds us in with promises of recovery. The style of treatment is broad and ranges from the sublime to the ridiculous. Many addicted people become addicted to their recovery programs. Many alcoholics stop drinking but maintain their previous behaviors. If they were mean, cruel, selfish, nasty, lying, cheating, cheapskate drunks, chances are they still are. But they can now drive a car safely.
If we live with someone who is an alcoholic we are labeled an “enabler.” Today people are labeled enablers when they merely exist with alcoholics. Years ago they were considered saints for holding their families together. We do not receive that label if we live with someone with Parkinson’s disease. Of the two “diseases,” one we enable, the other we help. It is an odd disparity. We give the alcoholic, a sanctioned diseased person according to medical professionals, our support and attention just as we would our Parkinson’s victim. When the Parkinson’s victim can no longer work or take care of their family, we continue to take care of all the needs related to the family and the victim’s life. We are not labeled enabler. Help a drunk into bed and we are enabling.
Something is rotten in Denmark. Alcoholism either is or isn’t a disease. We can’t have it both ways. Professionals bend over backwards making it easy for the alcoholic to live a pity party and if we help them at all we are co-dependent enablers. Bull.
I was addicted to cigarettes many years ago and so I do have some knowledge of how it feels to quit an addiction. In fact, quitting smoking is considered the most difficult addiction to relinquish. More so than heroin addiction or equal to it. However, the difference between a cigarette addiction and an alcohol addiction is after smoking I can still drive a car to buy more cigarettes. Sitting at home and getting blasted then hopping in the car to go to the store to get more alcohol is scary.
Alcohol hurts on many levels. Strangers are at the mercy of the drunk driver. We are all at the mercy of each other’s actions in life but when harm comes to us through the deliberate actions of someone under the influence, it’s criminal. It seems illegal drug options and their users and abusers are treated more harshly in our justice system. I presume it’s because drugs aren’t legal but alcohol is. Both addictions create the same havoc. I’d like to see tougher penalties for all drug/alcohol abusers when driving or participating in any activity where they might harm someone. This includes protecting their family members. Alcohol and drugs are most often present when domestic violence calls are placed to police departments.
If the health care industry continues to consider alcoholism a disease then it must remove the term enabler. “Enablers” were put on the earth to keep it rotating. Enablers keep the workforce going, keep the kids going to school each day, keep buying the groceries, keep paying the bills, keep encouraging the alcoholic to join life again, keep families together until they can’t any longer. They fight for the lives of their families to the bitter end. Coworkers are often burdened with extra work when their alcoholic buddies call in sick, repeatedly, or come in hung over or come in still drunk. Do they enable? Their supervisors damn well expect them to. If you don’t “enable,” you aren’t being supportive; if you do “enable” you are codependent.
Over the last 15 or so years more and more people I know no longer drink at all when out for an evening. Even one alcohol beverage can put the drinker in jeopardy. One of the first questions a police officer asks at the scene of an accident is “have you been drinking.” If we say, “Uh, oh, well, I had a glass of wine with dinner,” and the other driver says, “No,” guess who gets the crappola? It won’t matter what the tests say. Try to tell the insurance companies that it was only one glass of wine. When it hits the report that Driver #2 had wine with dinner, good luck. Many years ago people would have a cocktail (or more) with lunch. The liability for that practice hit the fan and employers no longer allow any alcohol consumption during the workday, whether or not we are on our “free time” at lunch. Our free time coming back to the office snokered in a company car could make a victim’s family rich.
I suspect there are many people dying from ovarian cancer who wish they could just stop. It’s selfish for those who can stop drinking to not stop. It’s not a disease that merely hurts the abuser. It hurts everyone around them. And some day the addict could kill someone by his or her negligence and they often do. Just ask a mother who has lost a child because of a drunk driver. And alcohol also kills the abuser. Just ask the insurance industry.
It’s a choice to not drink. It’s tough to make that decision. It’s horrific to live with terminal ovarian cancer. Is it less difficult for the person with ovarian cancer to fight their battle than it is for the alcoholic to fight theirs? Guess which one has a chance to recover? It’s not an easy choice. Life isn’t easy.
I consider myself one smart cookie for never falling into the booze trap. I could have, but I didn’t. I stopped early on. It was easy then. Wouldn’t be so easy now. That’s not proffered as an excuse for alcoholics. It’s a simple fact. Stop now or find a nice gutter. One might get lucky and live life and never get to the gutter. Dying early is another option. Alcoholism is a choice, and it’s not pancreatic cancer. No choice with pancreatic cancer. Like a wise coworker often reflected when making determinations about who is responsible for his or her actions:
It’s time to put the turd in the right pocket.
Self Test for Alcoholism By the U.S. National Council on Alcoholism
The first and often the toughest step in beating alcoholism is admitting the existence of a problem.
To test whether alcohol is a problem for you, answer "YES" or "NO" to this series of questions.
1. Do you occasionally drink heavily after a disappointment, quarrel or rough day?
2. When under pressure, do you always drink more heavily than usual?
3. Can you handle more liquor now than when you first started drinking?
4. On the "morning after," have you been unable to remember part of the evening before--even though friends say you didn't pass out?
5. When drinking with others, do you try to have a few extra drinks when they won't know it?
6. Are there certain occasions when you feel uncomfortable if alcohol is not available?
7. When you start drinking, are you in more of a hurry to get the first drink than you used to be?
8. Do you sometimes feel a little guilty about your drinking?
9. Are you secretly irritated when friends or family discuss your drinking?
10. Have you experienced memory blackouts more frequently?
11. Do you often want to drink more after friends have had enough?
12. Do you usually have a reason for occasions when you drink heavily?
13. When sober, do you often regret things you've done or said while drinking?
14. Have you tried to control your drinking by switching brands or following different plans?
15. Have you often failed to keep promises about controlling your drinking?
16. Have you tried to control your drinking by changing jobs or moving?
17. Do you try to avoid family or friends while drinking?
18. Are you having an increasing number of financial and work problems?
19. Do more people seem to be treating you unfairly without reason?
20. Do you eat very little or irregularly when drinking?
21. Do you sometimes have the morning "shakes" and relieve them with a drink?
22. Are you unable to drink as much as you once did?
23. Do you sometimes stay drunk for several days at a time?
24. Do you sometimes feel very depressed and wonder whether life is worth living?
25. After drinking, do you ever see or hear things that aren't there?
26. Do you get terribly frightened after drinking heavily?
Did you answer "YES" to any of these questions?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you have some symptoms that may indicate alcoholism.
"Yes" answers to three or more questions in various categories indicate the following stages of alcoholism:
Questions 1 to 8: Early stage.
Questions 9 to 21: Middle stage.
Questions 22 to 26: Beginning of final stage.
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