Not My Reality

[New blogs posted every weekend. For previous blogs please visit “blog archive” to the lower right of this screen. Click on the small black arrows for a drop down list.]

[Note: This posting was drafted over a period of several months off and on because the topic is unpleasant and required more research than usual and my position on the topic is unpopular with family and friends. Some of the information may be slightly outdated but the guts of the piece remain current.]

Several months ago, perhaps even a year or more, after a disappointing night’s sleep, I crawled to the kitchen and made my perfect coffee. It’s my routine. I fed the animals, grabbed the coffee, and managed to make it to my little home office. While waiting a long time for my computer to boot up (as I do every day) I sipped my yummy coffee and by the time my screen appeared I was in better shape.

My home screen has been set to Yahoo for years. It’s my friend and I know everything about it. I don’t subscribe to a newspaper anymore because the delivery car ran over my lawn and refused to fix it. No one in my neighborhood gets the paper anymore because of similar problems (very loud music as she drove through the neighborhood throwing papers everywhere she could find a puddle, her noisy car with screeching brakes, and so forth). I think we all get our news online now. I also tune into a San Francisco all news radio station, KCBS, while I’m working on projects. Once I’ve heard most of the stories I flip on my iPod which is connected to my Bose and that remains on all day.

I usually scan the Yahoo headlines and read a few stories before checking my email but not always. On that morning there was a major headline everywhere I looked: Jon and Kate were getting a divorce. It was shocking. I stared at the headline for a while trying to take it all in. Even my hot coffee wasn’t helping me. It would have been easy enough to click on the headline and read the story but I needed to process what I was looking at. Then, to my dog and two cats I asked, “Who in the hell are Jon and Kate?”

I actually do not live in a cave. I’m out and about in the world quite often. I have a large network of family and friends. I participate in events where I have conversations with strangers. I’m friendly and outgoing and meet people easily. I read. Why didn’t I know Jon and Kate? That’s a rhetorical question. I know the answer. It’s because I am very picky about what I put in my brain. Pickier than what I put in my mouth. My brain must last me a long time, possibly longer than my body (chilling thought) so I’m very careful what I feed it. That includes reading material and music and movies and activities. It does not include being picky about people because I believe having a large selection of weird friends is very rewarding. (You know who you are.)

Taste in all areas of life is subjective. I’m somewhat weird because I don’t like a lot of things everyone else does. But it doesn’t bother me that they like things I don’t like.  It often bothers them that I don’t like what they like however. How weird. I think I’ll cover levels of weirdness in another blog but for now I’d just like to concentrate on reality TV.

I subscribe to basic cable service. I know people who do not own a TV. My son does not have any type of TV service though he has a TV to watch DVDs. My daughter has gone through periods of zero cable access and she rarely even watches DVDs. She used to leave the TV on all day on the Animal Planet for her dog. It kept the little dog company while she was at work. She turned it off when she got home.

I took a wonderful humanities class once with an instructor who had actually met Joseph Campbell. The semester was filled with special stories of the man’s experiences and the life of Joseph Campbell. Throughout the course the instructor often mentioned reasons why he had never owned a TV. He was in his early 70s. He said he had too much to do to watch TV. When asked what he did to relax he said he cooked wonderful dinners with his wife for their family and friends and listened to great music and wrote letters and read and went to the movies and worked in the garden and worked on projects around the house and often just sat quietly. 

Not that I haven’t had a TV addiction. I have. It’s a great substitute for the wrong husband and helps when up all night with a sick child. Of all the nasty habits we can indulge in it’s a little safer than some like drinking, drugs, and other bad habits. We can still drive a car safely if we watch bad TV. But I believe it’s as bad for us as food additives, a high cholesterol diet, unclean water, and pollution. It’s pollution of the brain. 

I have visited the homes of family and friends with expanded TV services and have always been mortified to observe what is foisted upon the American public. Or the world for that matter. Those nasty little satellites show the entire world what Americans look like. In particular, reality TV. Jon and Kate, et al. But that isn’t who we are as Americans. None of my family and friends would ever be eligible for a reality show. We’re just plugging along working, raising our kids, and keeping it simple. I don't know a single person like Kate or any of the other “real” people.

Before criticizing me for complaining about reality TV if I don’t watch it, I have to confess I have watched a couple reality TV shows. One was the first season of Survivor. Halfway through the series I disliked the contestants tremendously and did not want any of them to survive. I completed the entire first season and after the last episode I knew it would get worse. According to my recent research, it has.

In order to do a proper job on this diatribe I have forced myself to watch a few episodes of some of the most popular reality shows. Of the shows my cable package doesn’t provide I was able to find them online. Some are so bad that I can’t bear to see a commercial about them. Others are so bad I had to stop watching them and read about them instead. So I ate a few light dinners to avoid stomach upsets and did watch a few (including the aforementioned Survivor and learned I’m a prophet.) Because many of the reality shows are limited by my basic cable access I’m protected from them. It’s a blessing.

When viewing TV dramas or sitcoms we know we are watching scripted fiction. Some are silly, some quite good, some for young people, some for seniors, etc. They are pretend.  In the world of scripted TV I have found quite a few I like. They are well written and directed and the actors do a great job. I enjoy House even though I would never ever want to be admitted to his hospital since he almost kills all his patients and I believe he has killed one or two. Guess that’s sort of a reality fiction TV show. There are others I like and there are a few sitcoms I enjoy. There are great concerts, and amazing informational shows and documentary shows on the History Channel, wonderful travel shows via The Travel Channel, especially No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain, and PBS has something worthy of viewing every single day. And the yummy Food Network. (Which I don't get with my cable package and have to watch at my mother’s.)

I know a lot about reality TV shows even though I haven’t watched them because of conversations with family and friends and at the office. Not a gathering goes by where the conversation doesn’t turn to American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, etc. Sometimes the conversations are heated! I usually sit there with a blank expression on my face praying for the conversation to end. (I am including “contests” along with regular reality TV because they have that nasty bickering chastising component instead of being true contests.)

And I am not singling out Jon and Kate. In my research I discovered Kendra (oh, dear Lord), The Kardashians (yikes), More to Love, various takes on bachelors/etts, prep school kids, Big Brother (oh, God), Top Model, chefs run amuck, and probably the worst of the bunch, the “real housewives” of various major cities. Though the fictional TV show of real housewives never interested me, it’s a scripted show with storylines and professional actors. With the truly real housewives, we’re talking actual people who are exposing their conspicuous and excessive lifestyles (via the aforementioned satellites), their hooker clothing and accessories (no offense to hookers because they do so much more with so much less), makeup left over from horror movies, their over-the-top home “decorating” that mostly looks like it belongs to a movie set for The Sheik of Araby (very old movie), their bratty obnoxious children, distant (wealthy) husbands, and foul-mouthed unintelligible conversations. Perhaps individually, and when they are not on TV, they are better people, better parents, better friends, better daughters and sisters, better dressed. I hope so. (I know they are not.) Not only do they have these horrendous shows those same housewives are often guests on TV talk shows. Ew.

And the reality “contests.” I watched a few episodes of Biggest Loser for dieting and exercise tips and soon began to hate these sniveling babies who were given the chance in a lifetime to turn their lives around and they cried and carried on and connived and plotted against each other and were prodded and screamed at and forced to play ridiculous games, in particular, the temptation challenges which brought out the gluttony and avarice in them, to the point I wanted to throw a projectile at my TV.  A true contest where people compete with other talented folks would be okay. But the majority of the talent contests on TV are so mean and contentious I just can’t find value. It’s not in the spirit of sportsmanship by any stretch of the imagination.

Why do we enjoy demeaning and demoralizing each other? We must love it because of the number of these shows. It’s a form of mass voyeurism. We feel better about ourselves when we see others being pounded into oblivion. The viewing public is invited to participate by voting. What does the average person know about singing? It’s a popularity contest. Friends discussing the events on American Idol were often stunned by the winners. Contestants with great voices were not selected in favor of those with an over the top personality trait. And Simon. I can’t write what I want to in this posting about Simon. Except to say . . . no, I can’t.

Many people believe TV contributes to crime and bad behavior. It’s a bad influence. May even drive people to violent crimes, drugs, promiscuity, adultery, you name it. I believe it’s the opposite. I believe TV reflects our behavior, it does not create it or influence it. Why? Because Jack the Ripper did not watch TV. If he were alive today he’d have a realty TV show.

The TV industry and advertisers develop shows to attract an audience and if we weren’t attracted to the crappola that is on there they would not broadcast it. If we all loved basket weaving we would have countless shows about basket weaving. We have unimaginably awful programming because we like it. We are surrounded outside by a real world of pure violence and over the top competition for jobs (my college is superior to your college), housing, parking lot rage (hey, that’s my spot, I saw it first, I’m going to kill you), freeway shootings (hey, you cut me off back there, I’m going to kill you), religious fanaticism (my religion is better than your religion, I’m going to kill you), riots at sporting events, shootings at sporting events in parking lots, children’s’ sporting events filled with screaming out of control parents and coaches, classroom bullies, students killing their classmates, kids wearing hundred dollar or more sneakers (that they grow out of before they wear them out), racial and gender hate, gang against gang (my gang is better than your gang, I’m going to kill you), corporate greed unchecked (my company can screw more people than your company), politicians unchecked and behaving and lying outrageously before, during, and after elections, sports heroes living large evil lives at the expense of family and fans (and sometimes murdering their wives,) horrific customer service on almost every level and almost every day (we want to serve your needs but don't call us), food contamination (in a rush to get food to market to topple the competition, safety standards be damned), airplanes flying into buildings (my God is better than your God even though it’s the same God), and let’s not forget wars, the ultimate competition. (War is a competitive business endeavor. Our neighborhoods should be so lucky to have that kind of money.)

So I had a talk with my cable provider the other day and complained that every few weeks I lose more channels. The “customer service rep” told me that if I paid “x” number of dollars more per month I’d get them all back. I told him I don't like most of the channels and there are only a handful I want. I don't want more bad channels. He apologized and said “so far” they cannot provide channel selection by the customer and they have selected packages that would appeal to almost everyone. Not true. I had planned on ending the conversation with closing my account except that I’m expecting company in the fall and will need at least basic cable because the first thing they asked was if I got American Idol. Heaven help me I do. But not for long.

www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com

[No part of this content may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.]

Each week in this spot I will report an instance of good customer service (if any) but without embellishment. Just a business or entity that knows how to treat customers at least some of the time if not always.

This week I received excellent customer service from:

N/A

[No part of this content may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author. Blog series began in March 2009.

The "N" Word

[New blogs posted every weekend. For previous blogs please visit “blog archive” to the lower right of this screen. Click on the small black arrows for a drop down list.]

A group of women recently discussed words that bothered them or embarrassed them. Some of the comments were hilarious and some more thought provoking. The words discussed were mostly slang for body parts and women’s undergarments. No one was particularly outraged by the usage with the exception of the “C” word.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger, a popular radio talk show personality, used the “N” word, repeatedly, when talking to an African American listener a few days ago. The listener called in to complain about her white husband’s friends using racist words and she wanted Dr. Laura’s opinion. I did not hear the original broadcast but read quite a few reports about the call and I also listened to a portion of the call by searching for it on the Internet. Dr. Laura defended her use of the word but later apologized.

Dr. Laura believed she was using the word to prove a point about the word itself. I do not know much about her as a person but I do know she is a savvy broadcaster, educated, and I doubt she was trying to ruin her career. [Note: I prepared this posting several days ago and this morning checked to see if there were new details. I learned Dr. Laura has chosen not to renew her radio show contract and will pursue other career options. Guess I was wrong about her savvy career instinct.] After reading about the incident I didn’t come away feeling she was racist but that she used poor judgment and exhibited insensitivity toward the feelings of the caller and her audience. Ordinary offensive swear words are routinely censored but they do not grab-at-the-chest like the “N” word does. The word lives and it has tremendous power. It crawls right into our soul and infects it with venom. I’m surprised she didn’t “get” that. Here’s why.

Dr. Laura converted to Judaism many years ago to marry the man she loved. In many parts of the world there is a symbol that means peace and good luck and harmony. It is still used today in India and various Eastern religions and in yoga classes throughout the world. It is often seen flanking an entry so that the person passing through the gate or doorway will receive good luck or a blessing. It’s been that way for centuries, long before its more recent evil use. The western world has a tough time with the symbol and every time westerners see it we cringe. Even the word “swastika” evokes deep passion and fear and sadness. It will be that way for many generations. In our culture I’m not sure we will ever be able to erase its more recent use by the Nazis as a symbol of murder and the ruination of millions of lives. In our culture, except for fringe hate groups, no one wants a swastika on their desk at the office. Usually when it appears, even innocently or mistakenly, some people rally to have it removed because of the horror that is associated with it. I suspect, therefore, Dr. Laura would not place a swastika above her doorway as a sign of peace, good luck, and a blessing on her home.

The symbol and not the word, in this instance, is more frightening and offensive than the word “swastika” itself. It’s all about the visual and not so much the word. The monster that selected this symbol chose it wisely. Because of its simplicity it was easy to reproduce in countless ways on clothing, flags, posters, paintings, stationery, ornaments, awards, etc. I’m also sure its innocent origin made it even more of a slap in the face when chosen for hate.

But the “N” word is different. In this case the word itself is what evokes a response. It represents slavery, torture, murder, and the oppression of millions over a very long period of time up to and including the present. African Americans themselves have used it to tease, to taunt, but mostly to try to deprive the word of its power. The belief is the more it’s used in humor or sarcasm the more it’s robbed of its power. It just doesn’t seem to work. The word is more than offensive. It’s powerful and no matter who says it or why my teeth clinch when I hear it. The swastika and the “N” word have tremendous living power. The “F” word, by comparison, is nothing more than a way to vent. Though it can be turned into hate (he is a “F-ing” pig), it doesn’t denote an entire race. In fact, the “F” word is an equal opportunity defiler. No matter what race or gender we are anyone can be a “F-ing” whatever. (Remember the late George Carlin and his “seven dirty words”?)

Richard Pryor once told a story about a trip to Africa. He was a genius at imparting the truth through humor and pain. Toward the end of this particular story in a live stand-up performance he suddenly became serious for a moment and told the audience that after visiting Africa he could never ever use the “N” word again. After an entire lifetime of hearing the word and using it himself in humor and in anger he finally realized he could not use it anymore. Yet he struggled with it and occasionally it slipped out. The word was part of who he was for his entire life and it was similar to stopping any addiction.

He did not admonish the audience and left it up to them to decide whether or not to use that word but he chose not to. In research for this posting I learned he was determined not to use it for his stand-up routines but he wasn’t so sure he could stop it entirely in his private life. I know how he felt. It took me five years to stop smoking. Another evil habit.

The word itself started out innocently enough derived from Spanish, Portuguese, French, and Latin. The word negro means the color black. It is believed that in Colonial America white people called the African slaves by their color. It was not a racial slur (exactly) just a word to describe the color of the slaves. Why they didn’t simply use the word “slave” without the descriptive words regarding color is not clear. Maybe in their hearts they knew it was wrong to have slaves so it was easier to call them Negros. They weren’t “slaves,” they were Negros. Big difference?

The basic word went through many changes over time and was used in literature and by the common person on the street, including slaves themselves. The word eventually extended to many other dark skinned people and eventually became the slang and offensive word it is today.

As the word changed from a mere description to a derogatory slur many people attempted to change to “colored.” Those with hate in their hearts still held fast to the “N” word and those who were at least trying to change chose “colored.” African Americans also began calling themselves “colored.” The “N” word now had a life of its own and no longer retained its original simple meaning of the color black. “Colored” didn’t help.

Today we try to be politically correct. I applaud our efforts to try to not offend. It’s a huge task to go throughout our days without offending someone or an entire group. Sometimes it seems goofy when we try to embrace a culture or person or group or entity by coming up with a silly word to describe them.

I read a funny story about trying to come up with a word to describe overweight people in police incidents and they considered “large.” So when they described someone they would throw “large” into the descriptive narrative: brown hair, 5'5', early thirties, glasses, large.” It was hilarious the way it was written because then they were consumed with worry about “large” versus “very large.” I believe the safest way to describe a suspect might be “approximate weight 300 pounds” and let it go at that.

But I like that many of us try not to offend. If we stop trying to open ourselves to others by ignoring offensive language we may not be aware of it when it’s right in front of us. Or aimed directly at us. Just because we may not have a word to describe our particular group doesn’t mean some nasty little word isn’t out there looking for a home. I remember the first time I heard “Bible thumper” and for the life of me I didn’t know what the user meant. Why would anyone thump a Bible? The list is huge. [Note: I had planned on listing several of the most popular slurs but when I started typing them my shoulders tightened up and my neck hurt and I deleted them. It’s much easier writing the “F” word, the “C” word, and the countless swear words we have at our disposal. No shoulder or neck pain but the demise of my blog I fear.]

It’s unlikely any of us would bring a framed photo of a swastika that we saw on a poster in our yoga class to our office. We may think it will bring a little “calm” to our cubicle, but most folks in the workplace would be horrified even when we tell them it is a symbol of peace and good luck and a blessing. I believe a supervisor would have a quick quiet talk with us and our photo would disappear. Maybe in another couple of centuries the swastika could take back its original meaning and the “N” word . . . nah, not gonna happen. Pandora’s box has been opened and we aren’t getting the contents back in. Some believe “hope” is still stuck inside that box and I, for one, await its release.

www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com

Each week in this spot I will report an instance of good customer service (if any) but without embellishment. Just a business or entity that knows how to treat customers at least some of the time if not always.

This week I received excellent customer service from:

N/A

[No part of this content may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author. Blog series began in March 2009.]

Stranger Danger

[New blogs posted every weekend. For previous blogs please visit “blog archive” to the lower right of this screen. Click on the small black arrows for a drop down list.]

I had an interesting conversation with a group of women at the ophthalmologist’s office recently. All of us were there for afternoon appointments and the appointments were running late. A few grumbled about how long they had waited and that they had hoped to get back to work for at least an hour but they finally realized they would not. One woman had a different concern. She wanted to get going before dark.

It’s summer and doesn’t get dark until around 8:30. There are those of us of a certain age who don't like driving against headlights but I didn’t get the feeling that was her problem even though we were in the ophthalmologist’s office. As I thought this through one of the other patients assured her it wouldn’t be dark for quite some time. She replied, “I know, but I have to drive a distance when I leave here to visit my daughter. I may be on the road when it’s dark if I don't leave soon.” We all offered her our appointment slots but as it turned out she was next anyway. She thanked us and then explained her fear of the dark.

Over the last few years she enjoyed visiting her daughter and grandchildren and would leave after work and get to her daughter’s home in another town around 9:00 p.m. Her plan, she explained, was to retire to the town her daughter lived in to be close to her grandchildren but for now she had another year or two until retirement. On some of the trips to her daughter’s home she had encountered what she referred to as “scary people.”

Once she had problems at a gas station when she had neglected to fill up after work and though she was only about 20 minutes from her daughter’s place she needed gas right then. Young men at the station approached her and hassled her and she thought they were going to rob her (or worse). She believes they may have but more customers arrived and the young men left. When she finally left she felt they were following her though she doesn’t know to this day if they were. However, she did not go straight to her daughter’s house and took a long circuitous route constantly checking her rearview mirror to be certain.  

After she finished her story another patient described a similar incident in a large department store parking lot. Two young men followed her quite a distance and she finally turned around and went back inside the store and asked security to walk her out. From there everyone was interrupting each other with similar tales.

I was shopping in a large discount store by myself in broad daylight. A young couple seemed to be shopping for the same items I was because every aisle I went down they were soon there. They laughed about that “coincidence” and attempted to engage me in conversation. Occasionally, one would walk ahead of the other so that I ended up between them. After a few minutes they started standing right next to me and would occasionally bump me. They would laugh and apologize and walk away. I started giving them the evil eye.

I’d had enough and I pushed my cart to the large area outside the smaller aisles and stood there waiting for them. I knew they would be looking for me. They came around a corner and saw me standing there, with my arms folded and my hip jutting out at a sharp angle, defiant and daring them, and they knew the jig was up. I stared them down. They immediately walked to the front of the store.

After that I didn’t see them inside again and finished my shopping. When standing in the checkout lane it occurred to me that I would have to go outside with my cart full of purchases. I pushed my cart to the front of the store and told an employee about the couple. She immediately called security and a very nice young man appeared instantly.

He asked me what they looked like and then used his “push-to-talk” and told someone somewhere what he was looking for. He received a response that they were nowhere in the parking area, which was huge and served many other stores, and then in the form of an order he looked at me and said, “Let’s go.” He marched me to my car scanning left and right. He looked a little like the Terminator. As we got to within about 10 feet of my car I saw them. They were quite a distance away but I was certain it was the same couple. They walked in and out and around the parked cars and looked inside windows. He used his little communicator, told me to get in the car as he began flinging my purchases in the back, and asked for my name and phone number. I handed him a business card.

I never heard from the store or their security office but I got the feeling based on his behavior that this was SOP (standard operating procedure). How many times a month, a week, or a day did this scenario play out? He was very calm and comforting and knew what he was doing. As I slammed the door he shouted, “Don't worry about this. It happens all the time.” I’m not sure that comment was in the best interest of the store. Hearing that I wondered if I should ever go back. But I have gone back and will continue to go back. Not because I’m brave but because it’s the society we live in. My other choice would be to develop agoraphobia and I’m not there yet.

Once when shopping at another store I walked outside with a bag (not a cart) and I thought a man was following me. For some reason I couldn’t find my car so I got a little panicky. He seemed to be walking more quickly so I started walking more quickly. Soon I turned and jogged back to the store. When I turned around to see where he was he was still moving very quickly through the parking lot and then stopped and placed his hands on his hips and was shaking his head in exasperation. I thought he was looking for me. He was not. He couldn’t find his car either. False alarm.

This particular store has two large entrances. It’s a sprawling store and if one goes in one door and shops throughout the store it’s quite possible to end up leaving on the opposite end. Hard to find the car when it isn’t parked at that end of the store. This actually happened to me twice in this parking lot but the second time no one was “following” me.

Over the years I’ve had many odd encounters. A woman followed me and when I parked she got out of her car and screamed at me through my closed window. Apparently I committed a driving offense but I had no idea what it was. She was hysterical. I got out (stupid) and attempted to explain I was unaware of what I did but she was in a fit of rage so I took off. Another time a car full of young men followed me almost all the way home after a night class I was taking concluded. I saw them and did not drive home for quite some time (like the woman I met in the doctor’s office). There are more stories of this nature.

I’m 65 and have lived on my own for many years and I’m out and about frequently, day and night. I pay attention. Once when discussing these incidents at lunch a couple of women in the group said they had never experienced anything like this. Another member of the group beat me to the punch and told them “you just didn’t know it was happening.” I’m afraid that’s true. We are all victims of opportunistic stalking for thievery (or more sinister reasons) whether we are aware of it our not. Men and women but mostly women. Many police departments, budgets allowing, inform small groups the way to shop and park and what to carry and how to carry bags and purses and where to be careful and a whole litany of warnings about safety at home, etc. The Internet is full of information aimed at protecting ourselves. There’s a reason for that dissemination of information. It’s because incidents are happening on a grand scale.

As we sat in the ophthalmologist’s office more of us told similar tales. I remembered many little instances of stranger danger and I had just pushed them to the back of my brain. At one point we started laughing about some of the funny incidents. Twice in my life with friends, different friends, different decades, men exposed themselves to us. We were close enough to see details. Once bikers rode up to my car and each took a handle of my car doors, right and left sides, and “escorted” me all the way to the ocean in San Francisco then left with a wave. Behind me was a huge hoard of bikers I could see in my rearview mirror. They were all laughing. It was a lark for them to do this to a blond 20-year-old girl but it was frightening for me. I was terrified I’d drive improperly and hurt one of them (then be murdered) but I made it and they all roared off south down the highway chuckling and waving at me.

Slowly we were each called to see the doctor. The first woman was relieved and calculated she would indeed arrive at her daughter’s before dark. We all wished her well and kept visiting and telling stories. One woman was very unhappy that we had so many stories to share. She wondered what happened to our world that people felt they could pray upon others for their own needs or pleasure or evil intentions. We all fell silent with that comment because up to that point we were sort of laughing. The conversation turned more serious at that point as we tried to figure out why this was happening “today.”

But it isn’t just “today.” Strange people have been inflicting their ill will on others throughout the history of humanity. There are more of us now. Women in enlightened countries are out and about more than ever in history and women have traditionally been favorite targets for brutality (then and now). Mental illness is not addressed in the way it should be and parents do not always raise well-behaved children and drugs make people do abhorrent things and poverty turns some into opportunistic thieves who may harm people if they can’t steal $5 from them and some kill and end up with pocket change for their efforts and on it goes.

The other night a lovely 50-year-old German tourist was enjoying an evening with her husband in San Francisco. They were celebrating their anniversary with a wonderful vacation in our beautiful city. As they walked back to their hotel she was shot and killed by a young man irritated because he was unable to get into a party down the street. A shooting match began between disgruntled party guests and this woman was “accidentally” shot and killed leaving a husband, two kids, and the world. A friend of mine who lives in Illinois is visiting California and traveling around San Francisco at this very moment. She sends wonderful photos as she goes about the city. She is having a fabulous time. When I heard about the tourist I gasped for a fearful moment thinking of my friend.

When I heard about the German tourist’s murder I thought of the day at the ophthalmologist’s office. In the last couple of weeks I had just spent an evening in San Francisco and my friends and I were having a wonderful time and we stopped at a cute little coffee shop and had great coffee and visited and discussed our love of the city and how we would love to live there again one day (two of us had lived there for many years in our youth) and it’s such a beautiful city and there’s so much to do and my first child was born there and we all felt so fortunate to have been raised near such a fabulous international city. But it’s not just happening in San Francisco. It’s everywhere. Small towns, big towns, in the middle of forests. It’s reflected in our TV predatory entertainment bent on beating one another at games with absolutely no boundaries. The goal is to have what the other person has at all costs.

So these last couple of days I’ve experienced a bit of mourning for this woman and her family but also for all of us out here. All of us running to the store after work to get milk. All of us spending an evening out on the town with family and friends. All of us taking the bus to work very early in the morning. All of us walking our dogs. All of us sending our kids off to school. All of us entrusting our kids to adults in a variety of capacities. All of us going to doctors, dentists, repair shops. All of us hiring people to work on our homes. All of us taking our children for kids’ meals at fast food restaurants.

The above list is just a small fraction of horrific actual events that have occurred just during my lifetime and some of the events will be remembered by some readers. I don't have to be more specific. Each one represents a failure in our society. This posting will not propose a resolution. I have no idea what to do to fix us. We’re broken. It’s one thing to lose our lives in a hiking accident or due to an illness or a myriad of freak occurrences other than human against human. But when we turn on each other the recovery for those left behind is agonizing. To lose someone in a car accident versus losing someone via an episode of senseless violence makes a difference.

Agoraphobia is becoming more attractive.

www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com

Each week in this spot I will report an instance of good customer service (if any) but without embellishment. Just a business or entity that knows how to treat customers at least some of the time if not always.

This week I received excellent customer service from:

N/A

[No part of this content may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author. Blog series began in March 2009.]

Education Consumers

[New blogs posted every Sunday. For previous blogs please visit “blog archive” to the lower right of this screen. Click on the small black arrows for a drop down list.]

The title of this week’s posting sounds a little odd. We don't think of education in that way. Education is a privilege and a lofty pursuit. It’s not a product. Lately, however, there have been a number of reports on certain “colleges” and vocational schools regarding their somewhat predatory methods of attracting students. Many of these schools purchase advertising time around daytime TV shows such as Jerry Springer, the various “court” shows, afternoon “talk” shows, Oprah, Ellen, Dr. Oz, and cartoons. Because of the reports, I decided to check out TV programming during the daytime to investigate schools and their advertising.

It’s presumptuous of me to declare I know who is watching these shows and why the colleges and vocational schools advertise in those time slots. However, advertising demographics don't lie. Many daytime TV viewers are watching TV instead of working or going to school. There are a few people who have shift jobs and who enjoy a little TV during the day, and there are shut-ins, people with medical conditions, seniors, new moms and dads, etc. But many are young people passing time with nothing else to do.

Just watching daytime TV for researching this blog I got the feeling that most people watching must be in need of education (and cheap dental work) because of the ads. Ads aren’t placed in front of people who are not likely to purchase products from the advertiser. The ads are repeated over and over and over day after day after day to their captive and stationary audiences.

Many of these schools, a disproportionate amount, advise viewers that if they need their high school equivalency, classes can be arranged and/or combined with their college/vocational courses. The final line is that financial assistance is available. Often attractive “students” tell their stories about life before their educations and how they have finally found financial security. I had planned on preparing a simple grid then counting the ads for each school and the programming and time slot and then I decided it wasn’t necessary. I got the picture loud and clear and this isn’t a thesis. It’s a blog. And I couldn’t watch those shows. I just couldn’t.

For some reason I was not encouraged to go to college by my teen educators and counselors. I was pushed toward a life of pink-collar office work. I believe it was partly an assessment of my home life. Hard working folks in business for themselves. It was probably a given, to the school, that I would join my parents in the family business, a restaurant. Maybe it was my uninspired GPA. At the time it didn’t bother me but I did secretly desire to go to college. My parents couldn’t afford it and financial aid was not the same as it is today. I was an ordinary student and there weren’t many scholarships or grants for us ordinary folk.

To save money, however, I did attend community college for a while but then I fell off a cliff (true story) and required surgery and then my dad got sick and died so I moved home and stayed with mom for a couple of years. When I left home that last time there was absolutely zero money to return to college and so I began the work world. My teen courses, designed by a counseling staff that believed I wouldn’t be a college candidate, prepared me with all the clerical skills necessary to make a living. And I did for many years.

Eventually, I married, had children, divorced, and finally returned to college. I worked full time and attended night classes. I obtained an A.A. at a community college (which was a lot more expensive than I thought it would be) and met with a transfer counselor at my next school, a four-year college to get my B.A. Right about this time both of my kids were in college. When I learned the cost of my remaining two years it didn’t take a math major to figure out I would not be getting my degree. I made too much to qualify for assistance, but not enough to pay for three family members in college.

At the time I had a secure job and made decent money and had established a pension plan and enjoyed health care benefits and safety in employment. During my employment not only did I complete my A.A., and received a promotion for it, but I took a variety of specialty courses and seminars needed for my career over the years. I was able to buy a house and travel and I was satisfied. Yet, whenever the topic of education comes up in a group I always say I have a modest education. It’s defensive. I shouldn’t be defensive because my life turned out fine, but we are a judgmental society and many things separate us from one another. Education is a huge societal dividing/class factor. I was not allowed to join a "friendly" book club at work once because I didn’t have a degree. After learning that I was thrilled I wasn’t accepted into such a group.

My experience is not the case for many of the young people today sitting at home watching Jerry Springer. Many of these people do not possess even limited employment skills. And even if they did, without some type of college or vocational degree they will most likely not be able to lead the life I did. At the very least, multitudes need their GEDs before beginning skilled training.

One report I saw on the evening news was about a young man who had spent $79,000 in school loans yet still had 20 units left to complete his degree. There are countless other stories similar to his. There are also many schools that suddenly close their doors over night. The students arrive in the morning and the school is gone. The courses they completed successfully are often not transferable to accredited colleges. Even some courses completed at accredited colleges sometimes do not make the transfer link. Time is often the enemy of transfers. Those who stop and start their educations often find many courses must be taken again to continue toward their degree. That’s more money. Lots more. Sometimes working students can’t qualify for money. Not enough money.

Institutions sometimes mislead the students. My daughter actually walked at graduation at a “real” university but at the last possible moment was told she would have to take one additional unit to receive her diploma. They explained she could easily whip that one unit out during the summer and they would then mail her diploma. Prior to that shocking news she had received her letter/form indicating she was confirmed to graduate. Did they discover it the week before? Yep, they did. Did they have the authority to waive that one unit? Probably but they wouldn’t. Did they want her additional semester money for one unit? Absolutely. Education consumer. Even at our prestigious schools.

She had already given notice to her apartment manager so she declined to give her hard-earned money to them because she was angry and instead moved home and took the course here (after carefully researching if it would be acceptable to her college and it was and she now has her diploma, a little piece of very expensive paper). A dear friend of mine who has had a career in higher education told me that it was ultimately my daughter’s responsibility to track her classes to obtain the needed units to graduate. Though she did that each semester with a counselor and though she did receive the letter/form telling her she was eligible to graduate, she did herself miss that one unit in her review of her units. Therefore, I will give her 1% of the blame and assign the remaining blame of 99% to her university. It’s about customer service.

And believe me, we were customers of that college. I filled up credit cards for books and other expenses. We were education consumers. If I sold baskets and I took an order for 100 baskets but only 99 were actually shipped, my customer would demand a discount or an additional basket, to be shipped at my expense.

The mainstream colleges and universities do have their problems and of course tremendous budget disasters along with the rest of the business world. But it’s important to know that education is indeed—a business. Colleges must employ staff, maintain buildings, health plans, pension plans, student expenses, etc. It is not some altruistic force on high that is only interested in broadening the little minds of our children. As we move down the stream of these higher institutions we get into education territory that isn’t as easy to navigate filled with so-called colleges and schools and vocational institutions. It becomes more and more a consumer issue and often leads to fraud and deceit.

Not everyone is cut out for college but almost everyone must receive additional training/education after high school. Of course, finishing high school or getting a GED is crucial. Depending on a person’s resources many students must take out loans and spend hours searching grants. Some grants are tiny and are available to restricted students such as women who are from Iceland, nationalized as U.S. citizens in 2008, but born in 1992 during a freak glacier thaw, who speak Swahili. (Those who have spent time researching scholarships and grants know I’m not kidding.)

I was divorced by the time my two kids went to college and it was no easy task keeping them at their respective schools. We were The Three Musketeers and did extraordinarily amazing things to keep them in college. Sometimes when my mom could swing it we got a little extra help, but that was it. Oh, yeah, student loans. I shiver thinking about them.

The sacrifices the three of us made were huge. They did not have the carefree college life many of their friends had. They didn’t go on ski trips, they worked. They didn’t join clubs, they worked. They didn’t travel on summer breaks, they worked. I didn’t go see them often and they didn’t come home often because it cost too much and we needed to plug the hungry education hole. Some semesters they started classes and for weeks went without all of their books purchasing one book per paycheck. But they were lucky that they did have me and as much financial assistance as I could manage along with all my credit cards and they both worked almost full time. And they were tough and determined and nothing would stand in their way. It took me a long time to pay off my credit cards which delayed financial planning for my life which has had a lasting effect even in my life today. I've never caught up. And my kids are still paying off their student loans.

Many of the young people watching daytime TV are home couch surfing because their families are either non-existent or are completely without means due to their own lack of education and/or skills. We chose to fight for it but not everyone is equipped to fight battles. Though it was very difficult my kids have both found life is better for them than it was before college. It was worth the fight. Life is uncertain and especially in today’s horrific economy. They have that one little edge that just might keep them employed. But it cost us dearly.

The potential student pool for TV is a prime target for mercenary “educators.” Young people can and do get sucked in due to despair over their lives which are going nowhere and all they have to do is sign up at one of these schools and take out thousands of dollars in student loans to change their lives forever. Maybe for some. Instead it would be best for these students to visit a local community college and have a heart to heart with a career/education counselor. Even taking one course a semester to begin with is an excellent start. One course. All journeys must start with the first step.

Most community colleges have many certificate programs that don't take too long and some offer employment placement services. GED programs are everywhere and fairly easy to get through. There are a variety of online courses but they must be meticulously researched because many of them operate on the edge of criminal conduct. All daytime TV watchers interested in school should at least do the legwork required to find out how to improve their lives. They may even qualify for grants or scholarships (if they are from Iceland). Most of all, however, consumer beware.

If a person started one class next month and they complete the class it would be a grand feeling. By December, depending on the semester or quarter structure of the school they choose, they would have one college course or training course under their belt. If they do not take a class come December they will not have a college course or training course under their belt. All that time will go by and they will be right where they are today. Watching Jerry Springer. If they take one course per semester, however, eventually they will have a certificate or a skill or a degree or who knows! And they must never forget that they are purchasing their education and they must demand quality and good customer service. They need to fight every step of the way and never give up.

Part of obtaining higher education is the struggle to get it. The aforementioned friend expressed that sentiment to me when I whined about my daughter’s missing unit. It isn’t just about the classes. It’s about getting through it all. It’s the journey. That’s an education in itself.

www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com

Each week in this spot I will report an instance of good customer service (if any) but without embellishment. Just a business or entity that knows how to treat customers at least some of the time if not always.

This week I received excellent customer service from:

N/A

[No part of this content may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author. Blog series began in March 2009.]

I LOVED that movie!

[New blogs posted every weekend. For previous blogs please visit “blog archive” to the lower right of this screen. Click on the small black arrows for a drop down list.]

When I was around age five Grammy helped me take a bath and told me to put on my yellow dress and my good shoes. Then she came into my bedroom and braided my hair and made sure I had brushed my teeth and that I looked like the perfect little princess that I was. She took me by the hand, picked up her purse and car key, and gently guided me through the house. As we passed through the kitchen to the garage, mom looked up from her task at the sink. Smiling from ear to ear, she gave me a huge hug, and exchanged a warm familial wink with Grammy. We got inside Grammy’s very old car and off we went on a secret adventure.

It was my very first movie (Snow White). There were hundreds more after that first movie, most always with my grandmother, even well into my teens. Once my teen friends and I took her to the drive-in with us and watched Hud. Her insightful comments were hilarious but not suited for a “G” rated blog posting.

Maybe it was the elaborate way my grandmother set up my first movie experience, and the conspiracy with my mom and probably my dad, my aunt and uncle, the neighbors, and all her friends, that developed my passion for movies. I still love Snow White perhaps even more now than I did when I was a little girl. Snow White started me on my lifelong path of movie adoration.

So the other day I engaged in a lively discussion about a movie with one of my son’s friends (hence, this posting). He wasn’t thrilled about a particular movie and I loved it. I don't think it was entirely age-related but that may have been part of it. His reasons for being disappointed in the movie were more thoughtful, technical, and analytical, and my reasons for loving it were purely emotional. He gave it a 2 out of 5 and I gave it a 5. This is a very sharp young man and after thinking about his criticisms of the movie I came to agree but it didn’t reduce my love of the movie. (The Machinist)

Sometimes I may not like much about a particular movie but perhaps there’s an actor I love so it’s worth watching (anything with Paul Newman). Or maybe the director is a favorite (Pedro Almodóvar). Or maybe it’s a story I like based on a book but maybe the movie falls flat of delivery of the story (Da Vinci Code). I can still enjoy elements of a movie even if not the entire movie (McLeod’s Daughters). Even stinkers sometimes have redeeming value in part (Attack of the Killer Tomatoes). Sometimes I just like the sentiment of the movie even if it isn’t my type of movie (Forest Gump).

Over the years movies slipped into our homes. I was happy to have that first VCR that was the size of a small car because it was expensive to go to the movies with two small kids and not all movies were suitable for kids. I never censored their movies or reading materials but I did have control over what we did when they were very young so I chose more mainstream movies for many years until I lost control. If they requested a movie they heard about I rented it for them. Sometimes I clinched my teeth as we watched certain scenes but it opened up discussions that I may never have been brave enough to bring up myself. They learned that though a movie may be titillating it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good.

Sometimes I would go to the movies with friends and I became increasingly more disappointed with theater audiences. Chewing, crinkling paper, and a selection of smelly foods has now infiltrated the movie concession stands. People can now buy the most disgusting foods and eat them in poorly ventilated theaters then dump their containers on the floor where the smells linger and sometimes remain for the next set of movie attendees. That mess is often accompanied by body emissions. The odors oozing from the patrons sometimes arrived with them to the theater having stopped for a yummy meal with lots of garlic and perhaps alcohol before the movie. A nasty combination.

The staff tries to clean the area after each presentation but it never is clean enough for me. I have moved several times when encountering a sticky seat. Once a soaking wet seat. I prayed it was soda. And people no longer whisper. They just simply talk like they’re sitting at home. (Which, by the way, is forbidden when watching movies in my home. We either watch the movie or we talk. We don't do both at the same time.) And then there’s the cell phone invasion. Even if the phones are on “silent” the little screens light up the theater rows and glisten throughout taking me out of the “moment” of the movie and putting me right smack dab into someone’s cell phone. And some people haven’t figured out how to adjust the clicking of their text messaging.

Eventually I stopped going. Certain movies my son insists I see with the proper sound and screen size but it’s about once or twice a year. Yet, I watch movies every day at home. In fact, I’m planning on cutting down. I usually flip on my stereo first thing in the morning then when I’ve finished projects and dog walking and other things I select a movie. Sometimes I watch a movie, read a little, watch another movie, paint a wall, etc. Sometimes I watch two or three movies in a day depending on the weather and my possible activities for the day.

Like most phases in our development from childhood to adulthood our tastes change. I think we are all pretty much whom we start out to be forever but many of us refine ourselves and many of us remain childlike and petulant and it causes grief in our society. It’s reflected in the movies we see and the movies that are made to appeal to certain paying customers. Whether movies define our culture or merely portray it has been a popular discussion amongst critics and moviegoers alike. I suspect it’s a little of both.

Some are absolutely awful but receive huge revenues and thousands flock to see a movie appealing to our odd need to be embarrassed or disgusted. Others are life changing, but it’s often hard to find two friends who have seen such a movie. I do have a small circle of substance-movie devotees and I appreciate they are out there. Documentaries have come into their own as an art form as never before in the history of films. People create these pieces sometimes risking their lives to capture pristine nature or cruel human disasters, manmade or otherwise.

Anyone with a computer and a fairly new TV can now watch movies and documentaries and even their favorite TV shows 24/7 in the comfort of their homes. I have a Netflix subscription and I hook up my MacBook laptop to my nice new flatscreen TV (which was a gift on my 65th birthday from my daughter and her boyfriend) and watch movie after movie for $9.82 a month. Hulu and Fancast have countless movies for free that can be streamed from our computers to our TVs. The cord that connects my MacBook laptop to my TV was $29. There are other methods for watching the Internet on a TV and worth investigation. I thought $29 was a great price and a simple process. I no longer need cable service or satellite service.

In addition to the above, I downloaded free software from Boxee.com, which turned my computer/TV into a media system. With that was a free app for my iPhone turning it into a remote control! Truly, it’s amazing and I’ve only begun to explore the multitude of possibilities in this area. However, TV addiction is still TV addiction. I recently read an article concluding that too much TV for seniors is not good for them. So after the thrill of all these new movie delivery systems has worn off I’ll put myself on a movie diet and continue with other pursuits.

The offerings television cable companies or satellite companies provide are chosen for mass interest. I guess I’m not part of that group because there’s very little I like to watch on regular TV and yet the cost of service is exorbitant. Now that I have this set up I can watch things I absolutely want to watch when I want to watch them. Yes, I know TiVo and similar DVR technology does that too but it isn’t free. For my Netflix $9.82 a month I can watch countless movies. If I don't see anything I like on Netflix (which is practically impossible) I can go to Hulu or Fancast or many other sites and find incredible things to watch. For free. No cable service, no satellite dish, no wet movie seat, exactly what I want any time I want it.

I do pay for my DSL but I need that for my computer and it’s just an added benefit that I can utilize it for TV viewing also. I recently dumped my telephone landline. I never used it and paid $50 a month for it when I only use my cell. No cable TV service, no phone. Huge savings. All the networks offer many of their programming free to watch. There are a few ads per viewing but I don't mind that because I select the program that I want to watch and it’s free. Did I mention it’s free?

But the fact all of this is free isn’t as important as the fact that it can be tailored to one’s exact viewing preferences and times. So often when watching regular TV we flip through the channels trying to find something. Maybe we have an hour to kill before going somewhere and it’s 3:00 o’clock in the afternoon. Flipping around the channels trying to find something in that time slot is not easy. Flipping on my MacBook laptop and picking up episodes of a favorite TV show is very easy. In fact, it’s become important to me now more than ever to find things I believe have quality and value.

I find I’m not as interested in the big blockbuster movies as I once was. I now like movies with a bit more texture and grit. I watch independent film companies and foreign films most often. Even if it’s a comedy I like the comedy to be meaningful, a bit irreverent, satirical, and not loaded with crude toilet humor. I do like all types of movies but I lean toward quirky odd stories with quirky odd people. My favorite movie genre, when done well, is science fiction. (Captain Kirk, Teal’c, Jean-Luc Picard, Han Solo, etc. Pitter-patter.)

I still love Snow White. After all, a beautiful young girl living in the woods with a bunch of old men is quirky and suspicious. And the deal about the handsome prince rescuing her is quite controversial. (I plan on watching it again and again.)

[Note: I wasn’t going to end this with my choice of best movie of all time but I absolutely must. It’s My Favorite Year with Peter O’Toole who is so charming and so sexy and so adorable and so funny and so sympathetic and so intense and so wonderful right down to his toes that I swoon every time I watch it. Which is often. I swear I would adore him even if he read my grocery list out loud to me. I can hear him now . . .]

www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com

Each week in this spot I will report an instance of good customer service (if any) but without embellishment. Just a business or entity that knows how to treat customers at least some of the time if not always.

This week I received excellent customer service from:

N/A

[No part of this content may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author. Blog series began in March 2009.]