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A group of women recently discussed words that bothered them or embarrassed them. Some of the comments were hilarious and some more thought provoking. The words discussed were mostly slang for body parts and women’s undergarments. No one was particularly outraged by the usage with the exception of the “C” word.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger, a popular radio talk show personality, used the “N” word, repeatedly, when talking to an African American listener a few days ago. The listener called in to complain about her white husband’s friends using racist words and she wanted Dr. Laura’s opinion. I did not hear the original broadcast but read quite a few reports about the call and I also listened to a portion of the call by searching for it on the Internet. Dr. Laura defended her use of the word but later apologized.
Dr. Laura believed she was using the word to prove a point about the word itself. I do not know much about her as a person but I do know she is a savvy broadcaster, educated, and I doubt she was trying to ruin her career. [Note: I prepared this posting several days ago and this morning checked to see if there were new details. I learned Dr. Laura has chosen not to renew her radio show contract and will pursue other career options. Guess I was wrong about her savvy career instinct.] After reading about the incident I didn’t come away feeling she was racist but that she used poor judgment and exhibited insensitivity toward the feelings of the caller and her audience. Ordinary offensive swear words are routinely censored but they do not grab-at-the-chest like the “N” word does. The word lives and it has tremendous power. It crawls right into our soul and infects it with venom. I’m surprised she didn’t “get” that. Here’s why.
Dr. Laura converted to Judaism many years ago to marry the man she loved. In many parts of the world there is a symbol that means peace and good luck and harmony. It is still used today in India and various Eastern religions and in yoga classes throughout the world. It is often seen flanking an entry so that the person passing through the gate or doorway will receive good luck or a blessing. It’s been that way for centuries, long before its more recent evil use. The western world has a tough time with the symbol and every time westerners see it we cringe. Even the word “swastika” evokes deep passion and fear and sadness. It will be that way for many generations. In our culture I’m not sure we will ever be able to erase its more recent use by the Nazis as a symbol of murder and the ruination of millions of lives. In our culture, except for fringe hate groups, no one wants a swastika on their desk at the office. Usually when it appears, even innocently or mistakenly, some people rally to have it removed because of the horror that is associated with it. I suspect, therefore, Dr. Laura would not place a swastika above her doorway as a sign of peace, good luck, and a blessing on her home.
The symbol and not the word, in this instance, is more frightening and offensive than the word “swastika” itself. It’s all about the visual and not so much the word. The monster that selected this symbol chose it wisely. Because of its simplicity it was easy to reproduce in countless ways on clothing, flags, posters, paintings, stationery, ornaments, awards, etc. I’m also sure its innocent origin made it even more of a slap in the face when chosen for hate.
But the “N” word is different. In this case the word itself is what evokes a response. It represents slavery, torture, murder, and the oppression of millions over a very long period of time up to and including the present. African Americans themselves have used it to tease, to taunt, but mostly to try to deprive the word of its power. The belief is the more it’s used in humor or sarcasm the more it’s robbed of its power. It just doesn’t seem to work. The word is more than offensive. It’s powerful and no matter who says it or why my teeth clinch when I hear it. The swastika and the “N” word have tremendous living power. The “F” word, by comparison, is nothing more than a way to vent. Though it can be turned into hate (he is a “F-ing” pig), it doesn’t denote an entire race. In fact, the “F” word is an equal opportunity defiler. No matter what race or gender we are anyone can be a “F-ing” whatever. (Remember the late George Carlin and his “seven dirty words”?)
Richard Pryor once told a story about a trip to Africa. He was a genius at imparting the truth through humor and pain. Toward the end of this particular story in a live stand-up performance he suddenly became serious for a moment and told the audience that after visiting Africa he could never ever use the “N” word again. After an entire lifetime of hearing the word and using it himself in humor and in anger he finally realized he could not use it anymore. Yet he struggled with it and occasionally it slipped out. The word was part of who he was for his entire life and it was similar to stopping any addiction.
He did not admonish the audience and left it up to them to decide whether or not to use that word but he chose not to. In research for this posting I learned he was determined not to use it for his stand-up routines but he wasn’t so sure he could stop it entirely in his private life. I know how he felt. It took me five years to stop smoking. Another evil habit.
The word itself started out innocently enough derived from Spanish, Portuguese, French, and Latin. The word negro means the color black. It is believed that in Colonial America white people called the African slaves by their color. It was not a racial slur (exactly) just a word to describe the color of the slaves. Why they didn’t simply use the word “slave” without the descriptive words regarding color is not clear. Maybe in their hearts they knew it was wrong to have slaves so it was easier to call them Negros. They weren’t “slaves,” they were Negros. Big difference?
The basic word went through many changes over time and was used in literature and by the common person on the street, including slaves themselves. The word eventually extended to many other dark skinned people and eventually became the slang and offensive word it is today.
As the word changed from a mere description to a derogatory slur many people attempted to change to “colored.” Those with hate in their hearts still held fast to the “N” word and those who were at least trying to change chose “colored.” African Americans also began calling themselves “colored.” The “N” word now had a life of its own and no longer retained its original simple meaning of the color black. “Colored” didn’t help.
Today we try to be politically correct. I applaud our efforts to try to not offend. It’s a huge task to go throughout our days without offending someone or an entire group. Sometimes it seems goofy when we try to embrace a culture or person or group or entity by coming up with a silly word to describe them.
I read a funny story about trying to come up with a word to describe overweight people in police incidents and they considered “large.” So when they described someone they would throw “large” into the descriptive narrative: brown hair, 5'5', early thirties, glasses, large.” It was hilarious the way it was written because then they were consumed with worry about “large” versus “very large.” I believe the safest way to describe a suspect might be “approximate weight 300 pounds” and let it go at that.
But I like that many of us try not to offend. If we stop trying to open ourselves to others by ignoring offensive language we may not be aware of it when it’s right in front of us. Or aimed directly at us. Just because we may not have a word to describe our particular group doesn’t mean some nasty little word isn’t out there looking for a home. I remember the first time I heard “Bible thumper” and for the life of me I didn’t know what the user meant. Why would anyone thump a Bible? The list is huge. [Note: I had planned on listing several of the most popular slurs but when I started typing them my shoulders tightened up and my neck hurt and I deleted them. It’s much easier writing the “F” word, the “C” word, and the countless swear words we have at our disposal. No shoulder or neck pain but the demise of my blog I fear.]
It’s unlikely any of us would bring a framed photo of a swastika that we saw on a poster in our yoga class to our office. We may think it will bring a little “calm” to our cubicle, but most folks in the workplace would be horrified even when we tell them it is a symbol of peace and good luck and a blessing. I believe a supervisor would have a quick quiet talk with us and our photo would disappear. Maybe in another couple of centuries the swastika could take back its original meaning and the “N” word . . . nah, not gonna happen. Pandora’s box has been opened and we aren’t getting the contents back in. Some believe “hope” is still stuck inside that box and I, for one, await its release.
Each week in this spot I will report an instance of good customer service (if any) but without embellishment. Just a business or entity that knows how to treat customers at least some of the time if not always.
This week I received excellent customer service from:
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[No part of this content may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author. Blog series began in March 2009.]
