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We’ve had quite a few storms over the last few weeks and though most of us are happy and relieved to have rain, it eventually wears us down. Spacing woild have been nice but instead we were hit with storm after storm with no breaks. Trudging to work and running errands and sloshing everywhere and avoiding dog walks becomes a bit depressing. So when the sun broke the other day I immediately took the dogs for a long walk. Everything was soggy and it was bitterly cold but we didn’t care. We loved every minute of it.
Each day when we return from our walks (when it’s not raining) we always stop by the mailbox. On this particular morning we had been on a long walk, and were all in a great mood. I had a day planned that involved errands, a little work in the yard which had been torn up by the storms and wind, and a few projects in the garage. I skimmed the mail envelopes and as I started toward the house one caught my eye. It was an odd sized envelope from Social Security. I opened the envelope and almost fainted. There on the first page was---my Medicare card.
I do not recall a more humbling experience in a very long time. I was frozen in place. The dogs tugged at their leashes but I was paralyzed. I started reading the materials in the envelope and just couldn’t believe what I was reading. I knew this day was coming of course but now that it was here I was stunned. Soon I would be 65 and I would be a card-carrying member of the Medicare system. I do not feel 65.
I have never had “age issues.” My birthdays have always been celebrations and I’ve embraced them happily. I believe we are only as old as we think we are and most days I’m about 16. In all of my almost 65 years I’ve only had one birthday that I “felt” and it happened to be my 38th birthday. That was how old my dad was when he died and when I hit 38 I couldn’t believe how young that was. I knew it was way too young when he died but it didn’t hit me the way it did then as it did when I turned 38. Soon my son will be 38 and observing him at the prime of his life and realizing my dad died at that age is hard to fathom even today. After that birthday all the other milestone birthdays were joyously celebrated by family and friends. I do not feel 65.
Many of us have health and body movement issues in my age group. Sore knees, bad backs, poor circulation, failing eyesight, arthritis, memory problems, and the list goes on. I suppose I have those too to some degree but I don’t feel them or give in to them when I do. I lead an active life and bop around my world like I’ve done for years. I retired at 62 so that I could do things, not sit in a rocking chair. [I do like to sit in a rocking chair though and listen to music and read or knit. But I’ve always liked to do that.] I feel energetic and bouncy most days. I keep up with new things that come along and try to keep an open mind. I am particularly interested in what younger people do and how they do it. I observe my 30- something kids and their friends and activities and I find what they do interesting. I make an effort to learn new things and keep up with technology. I do not feel 65.
To clarify, I do not behave like one of those older folks who are forcing themselves to remain youthful by unnatural and pathetic attempts to do so. I don’t go to clubs where young people hang out. I don’t troll for young men. I wear clothing that is suitable for my age group. I haven’t altered my appearance to appear younger though I do control gray hair with the help of hair products. But I’ve been doing that for years, long before the gray hairs appeared. I’ve done that because my hair has always been fine and hair color gives it a bit of body. I think I’ll be a candidate for eyelift surgery in a few years because the women in my family have droopy lids eventually and it’s uncomfortable. I behave age appropriately but with a light heart and mind. I do not feel 65.
Along with the Medicare package were instructions on what to do about obtaining a supplement. This blog isn’t specifically about Medicare so I’ll spare the reader my diatribe on our health care system and will save that for a future blog. But after reading the information I did contact my health care provider and am now a member of—Senior Advantage. I do not feel 65.
So now I’m a member of Kaiser and Senior Advantage. All in a couple of weeks. I truly can’t get a handle on how I feel about this but thank God for blogging. I do not feel depressed. That isn’t it. I can’t identify the feeling yet. I had hoped this blog would help me figure that out. My son and I went out to dinner last night and as I got dressed I looked at myself in the mirror. For the first time in a long time I didn’t see a 16-year-old face staring back at me. I saw the real me. It’s truly just shocking. I do not feel 65.
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