WARNING! Do not read this unless you are very brave!

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     So you think you’re brave? You must because you’re reading this even after my warning. Well, fear not. Trust me.

     Though many are wise to the ways of the Internet, there are those who are not. There are thousands of untrue and outrageous stories about celebrities and politicians and illnesses and dangerous foods and medicines and aliens and religions and the list goes on and on and on. Some stories are almost true but a few facts are altered to suit the agenda of the senders. Some are ancient and do not apply to current politicians or administrations but politicians and administrations from decades ago. Many times we read posts about our current president when a little research finds the same rumor all the way back two or three presidencies---different politician, same old rumor. Some people just pull these weird stories out to attack whoever is in office currently. The stories with partial truths get people with faulty memories then they think “Hey, I heard about that!” Yeah, twenty years ago. In France, not here.

     But the untrue and half true stories and the “fear factor” posts can actually be dangerous. A rumor about a celebrity doesn’t hit home half as much as learning that eating a tomato with salt will form a toxin that will burst an aneurism (not true, I repeat, not true). The puzzling part of this is why do people not only believe these stories but pass them on to everyone in their address books? I suppose they want to protect their family and friends but wouldn’t it be prudent to look it up first? Doesn’t salt on a tomato sound odd? For all the years people have been eating tomatoes wouldn’t that information hit the international news broadcasts? There are many websites that debunk hoaxes and weird stories. Why aren’t more of us taking advantage of these sites?

     I’ve actually been tricked a time or two. I’m guilty. Some are so well written---and so frightening---that I have clicked on “forward.” But truly I’ve only done this less than a handful of times and yet I am the recipient of them almost every day. There are so many of them it’s a wonder any of the senders ever leave their homes, ever eat anything, ever touch anything, ever bend, sit, stand, sleep, bathe, walk outside, or shop.

     If my morning news headlines state a poison bottle of aspirin was found in a store in my city I presume my neighbors and friends have read or heard about it. But throughout the course of the day I could possibly mention it when talking to anyone I know or emailing or social networking. If, however, I receive an email that someone found an ancient herb in a bottle of aspirin that causes instant blindness (not true, I repeat, not true), I do NOT pass that one on unless I look it up. Some are so ludicrous I don’t bother looking them up because I can tell they are phony. Some are so bad after two sentences I hit “delete.”

     Some of these emails are not only scary but fraudulent as well. I received two this past year: one from Bank of America and one from Wells Fargo. The Bank of America email was about my account and it warned me I was the victim of identity theft and that I needed to immediately, by return email, provide my Social Security number, credit card numbers, phone numbers, address, and many other pieces of information so that their “fraud unit” could find the culprits. Most of the email looked fairly real except the creator couldn’t spell and the grammar was, well, foreign. I contacted my bank and was given a website to report the email but was never contacted for follow-up. I think it happens all the time. The second email was similar but slicker. Again, it looked like an official Wells Fargo email but it was grammatically correct and there were no spelling errors. The one giant error that made me laugh however was the fact that I am not a Wells Fargo customer. I called Wells Fargo and was given a similar website to report the email but I asked the customer service rep a few questions and he said it was quite common. By the way, I did not use the phone numbers provided in the emails and instead looked the banks up on my own. Calling the phone number provided in the email by the person perpetrating the crime would not lend itself to resolution. I can only imagine who would be answering those phone lines!

     But those emails, though harmful and potentially disastrous, do not frighten folks quite like the scary emails about deadly interactions with salted tomatoes. Emails that threaten life or limb or our children or homes or pets must be researched. I’ve received so many emails about what we must not feed our dogs and cats that had I followed the advice my pets would starve to death. So each time I hear about another food item my pets shouldn’t eat or they will DIE I head to a hoax site and check it out. Often the information is slightly true or partly true in that some dogs have had allergic reactions to certain foods. When you check percentages it’s small. My sister is allergic to shellfish but her entire family still eats it. I have a friend who has the infamous peanut allergy but I can eat peanut butter out of the jar. It’s important to know about genuine allergens that affect many people but if only a few people are allergic to celery do we all stop eating it? I know it’s better to be safe than sorry but a little due diligence, perhaps a call to our doctors and vets (or other experts depending on the nasty email) might be better than pressing forward and never eating a tomato sandwich again. Or---it just might be a great way to take off those last 10 pounds.   

     I considered creating a scary email and sending it to everyone in my address book then sit back and see if it went viral. I finally decided not to do it because I was afraid too many people would stop eating grapes and crush the grape industry [pun intended]. My email was about eating grapes after 7 p.m., which included wine, and male performance---heh heh heh.

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Seniors in the Workplace!

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Years ago my daughter and I were shopping around Christmastime at a packed national discount store. The employees were busy and barely keeping up with questions while restocking shelves. The cashier lines were long and people were crabby. We finally finished checking out and as we headed to the door an employee stopped most customers from leaving until she checked their carts. She took their receipts and checked items off, initialed the receipts, and wished the customers Merry Christmas. When it was our turn I was stunned to realize she looked to be about my mother’s age who was at that time 75 years old.

That was 11 years ago and it stuck with me. My daughter and I talked about the woman on the way home and the fact that my mom was sitting at home in her cute little house sipping coffee and reading the paper while this woman stood by a large automatic door that blasted her with frigid air with each customer exit. The woman looked tired and though there was a chair near her station it was such a busy day I doubt she had much time to sit down.

I remember saying something stupid to my daughter that I regret to this day: “What a shame that poor woman couldn’t be home sipping coffee and reading the paper instead of working here.” This foolish statement was based on emotion and not on any facts whatsoever. I knew nothing about this woman but made a judgment based on my own parents. I have changed my thinking on this issue now that I am 66 years old.

After that incident, and long before I retired, I began informally interviewing seniors when I encountered them in the workplace and this past year I stepped the research up a notch so that I could share my findings via this post.

The economy 11 years ago was heading toward the mess it is today but it was not nearly as bad and I wasn’t an official “senior” then. I was, however, on that borderline where I could get a few discount meals at some restaurants at 55 years old. I didn’t understand the complexities of what seniors experienced and what their needs and desires were. My only true experience was that of my parents and my grandmother.

I still have a wonderful memory of Grammy reading western novels in her special chair, a chair that I have in my home today. She worked in canneries and as a maid and as a seamstress and as a cook in large homes from the time she was a young girl but eventually moved in with my parents and retired at 65 and had a pleasant and long retirement with a $98 Social Security check each month until her passing at 91.

My naiveté at the discount store finally awakened reality in me. Not all seniors are created equal. Where would Grammy have been on $98 a month without my parents? (Probably standing next to a freezing door at a discount store.) Did the woman at the discount store have family or friends to live with? Did she choose to work there or did she need to work there?

My first “official” interview out of the roughly one hundred over the last year was at my local pharmacy. I’ve observed and chatted with a senior woman who has worked there for many years. Once we had a discussion at the checkout counter about garden gnomes which she collects. Extracting information like this is easy if it is approached with a friendly attitude and prying isn’t necessary. People like to chat, especially seniors. Seniors are sadly often ignored by younger folks. I learned that from another interview which I’ll share in a moment.

I learned this woman lives less than a block from the pharmacy in a senior apartment complex. She has a nice group of friends there and they take public transportation around town to various events and have get-togethers at the complex and she seemed to have a pleasant life. Eventually I gently asked if she “had” to work or did she “choose” to work. Her response was somewhat typical of many I have talked to: both.

Many of the seniors I’ve interviewed, including members of my own family and friends, continue to work because without the extra income they would not be able to participate in any activities. Their pensions or Social Security cover the basics but there is nothing left for trips to town or the movies or dinners out with friends. I met many seniors in this category. One gentleman told me that when he got up and prepared for work he felt every bone and muscle in his body but after he got going and got to work he felt okay. He wasn’t sure that he would be in such good shape if not forced to go to a job each day. He didn’t feel he had the willpower to stay at home and do an exercise routine or socialize. Working kept him “in the world” and helped his stiffness. He explained many of his nonworking neighbors were not doing as well as he was and they were a lot younger. So though he enjoyed the extra income, he enjoyed being productive more.  

     He also commented on how out of touch many of his neighbors were with other age groups. He encountered every age at work (home and garden super store) and many sought his advice because of his age. As I mentioned earlier though, he said that some younger customers did not want his advice when offered and he often saw them with younger staff members. He was discounted as a valuable resource to the younger set. Sometimes he followed them a bit until in desperation they finally had to ask him for help. He thought this was quite funny because he once ran a construction crew. When they realized what this man had to offer they would frequently visit the store and track him down like a pack of wolves.

     Once at a restaurant with friends we were served by a very senior woman. Waiting tables is not for the weak or the feeble. Both my kids worked in restaurants in college and my parents had a small restaurant. It’s grueling work and there is indeed a mental component. Managing several tables and coworkers and crabby cooks is tough work. It’s not often we see seniors in this work environment but here she was. Because we were close to her age we struck up a fun conversation with her throughout the meal which was expertly served to us. I asked how long she had worked there and she said “too many years.” We all laughed and made comments and I expressed she seemed to like her work and that she was excellent at it. She loved her job and said she was going to continue as long as possible. She added that tips for seniors were generous.

     A few people I have talked to, and a few seniors I know personally, have continued to work because they have to. Life events occurred (and questionable investing) that set them back as they approached retirement. Of this group most did not continue with their original jobs but instead sought employment elsewhere and often with entirely different duties. Partly this was because employment choices are slim for seniors and party because they didn’t want to remain with their former employers. In fact, many seniors felt their long time employers were equally eager to have them leave.

     A few people I’ve met during this past year have asked me questions too. How I was able to retire at 62 is a popular question. For me, and hundreds of thousands like me, I sacrificed better income in the private sector for the benefit-loaded but less pay public sector which included years of excellent pension build up and health care. Though my employer does not pay retiree health care I do have a nice pension for my 20 years and now that I’m 66 I’m able to pay for a decent supplement with my Medicare. Of the people who asked that question a large number were horrified to find themselves in their sixties with no savings and no pension and a spotty work history with periods of unemployment for women who took time off with their young children and they now find themselves in a bad spot. Some said they would have to move in with their adult children if they stopped working but not all of these people felt that to be a viable option. One woman told me she has held off moving in with her son and daughter-in-law, though she has been invited, because she would be a 24/7 babysitter. She loves her grandkids but she didn’t want that responsibility on a daily basis. Still, many seniors have no choice. It’s better than living under a bridge.

     Speaking of homeless seniors, I didn’t spend as much time with this group as the working group because my focus was on seniors in the workplace. Walking up to a homeless person in my spiffy casual attire made me self-conscious. Of course, I did include them because I was interested in knowing how they became homeless. They were living in shelters because they either didn’t have a family or other support group, their Social Security was only enough to cover food and medications but not housing, and because many were so poorly educated and marginally employed over the course of their lives they found themselves edged out of meager minimum wage jobs and eventually edged out of their apartments. Many I talked to did want to work but after observing their appearance and their improbable contributions to a workplace I knew that was never going to happen. (I almost always give a few dollars to homeless seniors and anyone with a dog. Judge not lest ye be judged.)

     I met these people outside grocery stores and gas stations and coffee shops as they stood outside with little signs asking for money. I know a lot of people don’t believe people with their little signs but it’s important to know that not everyone is a con artist. There are people asking for money on the street who genuinely need money for survival who are simply at the bottom of the human barrel. It’s everywhere in the world but it’s appalling to find it in our country. And every day more and more people join the ranks of the unemployed and homeless and very little is said about the growing number of seniors joining this group.

     We are created equal but we don’t stay that way. Because of circumstances beyond our control or poor life choices based on inadequate parenting in our youth, many of us end up in dire straits. Add to that the mentally incapacitated, the addicts, the illiterate, and those born into poverty that stay there their entire lives, it’s no wonder that some seniors continue to work as long as possible.

One man who is often at my regular gas station collects enough money to stay in a “hotel” two or three times a month and the remaining days he stays at shelters or stays outside. He looks a lot older than my mom but he could be younger than I am. The streets are not kind to seniors.

     A friend and coworker of mine, pushing 80, passed away at home one night after a routine day AT WORK. For years we wondered when he would retire but we eventually realized he would never retire. I was the first one in the office each day and I would quickly travel up and down the hallway and check all the offices looking for him. I feared the day I might find him slumped over in his chair but he died peacefully in a comfy chair in his own home after a normal day at work. Though he never benefitted from the beautiful retirement he had coming to him after years of working and investing, we all knew he died doing what he loved: working. It kept him young and provided the office with many years of valuable expertise on many subjects.

     Of the folks I met only a few were disappointed they still worked. Those people, I learned, were the ones who had health problems that made working uncomfortable, or people who had simply worked “hard” for many years and were truly tired. The majority of the people I chatted with needed the money and the next largest group needed the mental stimulation and the rest fell mostly in the middle of “need” and “want.” The most important lesson I learned was seniors are a feisty bunch and they can contribute to the workforce for a very long time if, as one gentleman said, “God’s willin’ and the creek don’t rise.”    

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Mom's Medical Alert System

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Mom, at 86, is still living on her own, marginally. My stepdad is in a nursing home. They live about an hour from me and I drive north once or twice a week (or more sometimes) to visit, run a few errands, help with whatever she needs in the house, and we discuss her bookkeeping which I handle mostly from my home. She has a helper who also stops by a couple times of week who does light housekeeping, errands, and provides companionship for four hours each visit. Though mom’s various health and mental issues are increasing, mom insists on staying in her house. She has more confidence in her abilities than I do.

I don’t blame folks for wanting to stay in their homes but inevitably there seems to come a time when that doesn’t work for them---or their families. They often do not realize how far they have fallen. I believe that’s where we are now but mom just doesn’t agree. She knows she’s limited and in fact no longer leaves her home unless it’s to visit the doctor and I take her to all her appointments. If she has an urgent but nonemergency need she calls her helper. She also has wonderful neighbors. But I became increasingly more worried about her declining health and whether or not she would be able to summon help in an emergency and felt it was time for something else.

I spent several days researching medical alert systems. I called friends with similar parent issues. I discussed the systems with my mom. She didn’t argue the need but I could tell she didn’t feel it was necessary. Prior to researching systems my stepsister and her husband and I had a long talk with mom and urged her to move in with me. She wouldn’t budge.

I finally found a system that worked well for mom and that was within her budget. Set up was very easy and she understands how it works. The system does not only protect her in the event of a health emergency but is also a fire alarm, burglar alarm, or any type of emergency she may have. She knows it’s for all emergencies. If she remembers.

Each time I visit her I ask to see her emergency button which she keeps concealed in her clothing. For some reason she refuses to wear it outside like a necklace. I am afraid if she falls on her chest she will not be able to pull it from inside her clothes. She refuses to wear it outside because she says it isn’t attractive.

Sometimes when I ask to see the button she looks at me and I can tell she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. Once it sinks in she pulls it out then we have about a 30 minute discussion of its uses and review what she needs to do if she has any emergencies. Sometimes I have faith she “gets” it and other times I drive home in a blue funk.

     A friend of mine has a mom in the same situation. She’s 93 and still lives on her own and refuses to move in with family. Again, I don’t blame her but we all worry about our parents living on their own when they have mental and physical limitations. She now has a medical alarm system which provides a little peace of mind for my friend and her family.

     Many seniors do not eat properly because meal preparation is difficult. I cook for mom and so does her helper but I find the meals I’ve prepared in the fridge all the time---uneaten. When I ask why she doesn’t eat them she says she does. The trash can tells a different story. Mostly she survives on cheese and crackers, breakfast pastries, coffee and wine. I believe it’s because she doesn’t want to take the few minutes necessary to place a meal in the microwave. We’ve tried to make it as easy as possible but even that simple procedure is unappealing to her. When I visit I buy a special lunch treat for us. Recently after eating our lunch she asked me when I was going to get our meal. We had eaten only an hour before. Her doctor was stunned at her weight gain on our last visit. She confessed she eats crackers and cheese and pastries. He shot me a look. It’s my fault?

     Her care providers all think I should move in with her. Abandon my life and store all my belongings and sell or rent out my house. I have explained that it would be better for her to come and live with me since I live an active life. But they make me feel that’s a selfish concept. After all, I’m not married. They would never ask this of a married couple but single people are considered less than whole without a mate and therefore apparently our lives are less important. Guilt piled upon guilt.

     The medical alert system will work if she has an emergency but it can’t cook her a meal. It can’t remind her to take her medications which she forgets all the time now. It can’t encourage her to do her daily exercises to treat her lung condition. It can’t help her find things that she misplaces all day every day (and calls me and asks if I know where they are). It can’t visit with her. If she has an emergency it will help her---if she remembers it or can access it. Still, I’m glad I set it up for her and all the rest just sits in a cloud over my head and I jump when the phone rings. The system operators will call me once it’s activated after they contact the appropriate help for her emergency.

     I do feel better knowing she has the system and I call her every day and remind her about it---and her meds. I don’t know how kids with failing parents manage when they live hundreds of miles away. I’ve made many 80 mile-per-hour dashes north when things have gone wrong. I guess other kids hop on planes or trains. I guess there’s no easy solution for caring for a parent but there are things that can help. A medical alert system has helped me a little though it’s not cheap. There are many other things that would help but they are outside our budget. Having a helper visit twice a week and the alert system are both tight budget items.

     Yet I have come to realize that all I can do is offer my help and I put handles in the bathroom and a special bathing chair in the tub and a handle on the small step that leads to her family room and purchased a transport style wheelchair for trips to the doctor and a small walker (which she never uses) and the medical alert system and found a stool so she can sit by the sink when preparing food (the aforementioned crackers and cheese and pastries) and call her every day, and sometimes a couple of times if I think she’s “foggy” I make an extra trip north if I think the fog isn’t lifting and keep in contact with neighbors and her helper and leave my phone on 24/7.

I don’t have to worry about mom reading this because she no longer remembers how to turn on her computer. When I turn it on for her she doesn’t remember any of the steps required to read her email or look at the news or read my blogs. But even if she did read this blog she would agree with what I’ve written. We discuss her “issues” each visit so this piece would not surprise nor offend her. But I’m not worried because the last time I was there her computer hadn’t been plugged in and the battery was dead. I just left it that way to see if she would call and ask me what was wrong with it. No call yet.

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Are you swayed by debates?

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The short answer is---unlikely. Naturally, it’s complicated so I did a little research. I also searched within my own mind because my core beliefs are so deep I can’t remember ever---ever---ever changing one. However, I have changed my opinion on many other things in life.

Whether or not someone likes mustard on a hot dog and another likes ketchup is not part of this process. Over the years as I’ve matured my taste buds matured, my interest in certain books and movies has matured, my taste in colors has changed from earth tones to bright primary colors, and the like. Those likes and dislikes are simple daily pleasures or annoyances and can be easily changed or not but whatever we decide we can manage without angst. No, this post is about the big stuff: religion, politics, social issues, lifestyle choices, feelings about addictions, marriage, child rearing, and countless other issues that can turn a person to putty when challenged.

When we hear the word “debate” it’s usually in connection with elections, especially as of late. However, we debate issues all the time, every day, all over the world. We even debate with our children. It doesn’t matter that we are the parents and they are the children. The debates explode and can sometimes create horrible barriers to harmonious family lives. Some family debates end up with years of family feuding. And let’s not forget the Hatfields and McCoys!

Office debates are similar but continuation of employment usually brings folks to some sort of compromise---but not always. Of course, the outrageous outcomes we read about in the news are not what most of us experience. Still, some of the people who bring guns to work often get that way because of disputes and unresolved issues and debating who is right or wrong. Arguing with people who have fragile mental control is dangerous we have all learned.

But the type of debate I’ve been thinking about recently is the political debate. In my entire 66 years I have never changed my opinion about any person due to their debate expertise, pro or con. In fact, even if they are not very good at debating sometimes they get their point across so debate style is highly overrated. I personally don’t care if someone is a pro at debating. That’s something that can be learned. It’s a skill one develops in politics and some learn it better than others. Some, like Ronald Reagan, join politics already highly skilled in speech-giving even though most of what he spoke about ran shivers of absolute horror up my spine. It didn’t matter because he was handsome, charming, and could talk the sugar off the cookie (i.e., a sweet talker). The fact he didn’t prepare his platform and was a mouthpiece was lost on the naïve populace because of his excellence in appearance and presentation. But not me. Nor anyone in my camp.

So if someone as expert as Ronald Reagan couldn’t change my political position it is unlikely all these Johnny-come-latelys are going to and none of them hold a candle to Ronald Reagan. I’ve listened to a few of these debates, bits and pieces, but mostly I prefer watching the various analyses after the debates. The part I find particularly amusing is the TV screen split into four parts and each head screams and interrupts the other talking heads. It’s better than a late night comedy show. And they are all full of hot air. There are serious commentators and analysts to be found on TV, but good luck finding them.

I don’t get a lot of my news from TV, nor do I get much of anything from TV, but I like to search the internet for news and that’s where I’ve found detailed blow by blow analyses of the various debates and interviews. Though I always state that my political leanings are slightly to the left of Jesus, I do look for people with opposing views who do not spew filth and hate and lies and there are many out there I respect. I don’t particularly have a “side.” When it comes to politicians I don’t believe or trust any of them nor anything they say. Instead, I dig in and look it all up myself. It’s so easy to do and when I am discussing events with people it’s disheartening that a) they often do not know what I’m talking about, and/or b) they believe whatever B.S. they hear if it’s related to their “party.”

So when these huge debates hit the airwaves with the beautifully crafted and designed background TV “sets” and candidates dressed in their finest with slicked backed or coiffed hair it’s an impressive sight. They appear bigger than life and represent, supposedly, the best of humanity. People who are devoting their lives to public service. In reality, regardless of political party, they are self-promoting, opportunistic, charlatans who are purposely duping the citizens with razzle dazzle speech writers and speeches often filled with pure malarkey.

When this happens it’s not too dangerous if the speakers are bad at delivering speeches or carefully crafted responses that they can’t quite spit out, but when we see a pro, such as Ronald Reagan, it is our responsibility---our duty---to ferret out the information on our own. Too little of this is done to the detriment of our political system. Too many times people believe what is said and only days later do we learn the candidates sheepishly apologize and say they didn’t mean that exactly, what they really meant to say was . . .

We have become a very confrontational society. It’s appalling to watch news “shows” with guests pontificating on their opposite views and the commentators barely hanging on to control. Add to that the several seconds of delayed feed in case someone uses the “F” bomb then it makes a huge mess and my chest hurts.

But whether we want to participate in the debauchery of debates (that just sort of rolled off the tongue) or we would rather spend a little time digging into candidate voting records (all easily obtainable and reliable on official public sites) and digging into their bios, and digging into both sides of issues important to us, is all up to us. But if we don’t do the research we should probably not pontificate on our views otherwise we could make fools of ourselves.

My mantra is: don’t believe everything you see or hear. Check it out and make sure opposing views are part of your research. You won’t change your mind about your core beliefs but you will know if your candidate is really who you want. There are people out there, somewhere, with your views who are actually smart and honest. Not too many but there may be a few. I’m still looking for folks with my views but most of them are dead.

[No part of this content may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written p permission of the author. Blog series began in March 2009.]