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When insomniacs discover each other it’s love at first sight. Usually it happens when a person states to a gathered group, “Oh, sorry everyone. I’m a little goofy today. Haven’t slept well lately.” For noninsomniacs in that conversation pool they gracefully nod and say something comforting to the weary one. For insomniacs in the group we immediately spring into action: “Do you have insomnia?” If the answer is yes, and it most often is, the others disappear into the background as the two insomniacs, possibly strangers moments ago, bond and discuss current sleep issues.
It’s not that we are trying to outdo each other with horror stories, but rather, it’s a fact-finding mission. Sometimes another member of the group joins in. It suddenly occurs to them they have similar sleep problems. Hmmmmmm. Sometimes insomniacs need to be gently coached out of the insomnia closet and often it’s by two or more insomniacs discussing the problem. I have met many people with raging insomnia in total denial. Once I grill them (and I do) they realize they actually do have the problem. Admitting they have insomnia opens the door to possible relief. Slim though that may be.
So for those who do not think they suffer from insomnia I’d like to describe most of the different types of insomnia that are out there for your nonsleeping displeasure. Maybe you will see yourself in one of these scenarios. I sure hope not.
First, we can’t fall asleep. This is very common and people who do not suffer from insomnia do occasionally end up with sleepless nights like this so you are probably familiar with this one. We are dead tired but we just can’t get into the sleep mode. We toss and turn and get up and go to the bathroom and get water or hot milk or a shot of something 80 proof or take pills or watch TV or read. Whatever we do nothing seems to help. For the noninsomniac this can often be attributed to some sort of stress. Even happy stress like the night before a long planned for vacation. Or a wedding or a new job. Stress is stress and even happy stress can keep you awake. Pain will do it too. As we age we often have creeping aches and pains. We deal.
Next on the list, we fall asleep but wake up in an hour or two never to fall back asleep again that night. This is usually a state reserved for hard-core insomniacs but occasionally “normal” people may suffer this state. Again, maybe we were bone tired, fell asleep but had a stressful dream or there was a loud noise four blocks away and then once awakened we start thinking about the pile of work we have to do in the morning or the surgery our best friend is going to have, etc. True insomniacs experience this type often, but it can be enjoyed by others.
Another fun insomnia state is dozing. We sort of fall asleep then we wake up then we sort of fall asleep then we wake up then we sort of fall asleep then we wake up. If we look at a clock (which I turn to the wall now to avoid driving myself nuts) we’ll see we are sleeping--or more correctly--dozing in 10, 15 or 20-minute intervals all night. This particular form of insomnia is the one I experience 80% of the time. (Note: I almost never dream. If you are not sleeping you are not dreaming. When I do dream it’s a winner.)
Next, and my personal favorite, no sleep at all. We go to bed, we’re tired, drowsy and we almost fall asleep--but we don’t. We NEVER fall asleep. The next morning we feel like we have been run over by a truck and have a hangover. I’m not much of a drinker but I have had a few occasions in life where I’ve had too much alcohol on an empty stomach so I know what a hangover feels like. We feel foggy headed and out of sorts all day after a night of zero sleep. I have read that if this occurs over a few days it can lead to serious emergency healthy issues. It is also a form of torture—keep the person awake and never let them sleep with the end result being they will divulge government secrets just to get some sleep. I could never be a spy. After one of these zero sleep nights, about three o’clock in the afternoon the next day, we may even hallucinate. If we drive anywhere we should be arrested.
And after that night’s horror you would think we would fall asleep the next night; right? Nope. We may have another night just like it or one of the other forms of insomnia. Usually after a night of nonsleep I have a night of dozing. Still a zombie the next day.
Another fun insomnia experience is when our schedule changes and for some reason we have to get up earlier than we usually do. Nothing else in our life can be a problem, no stress happy or otherwise, but just changing an insomniac’s sleep routine is enough to keep them awake for hours. Then about an hour before it’s time to get up we fall asleep. Deep sound sleep. When the alarm goes off it’s devastating. (Note: most insomniacs are early risers. By “early” I mean 3:00 a.m., 4:00 a.m., etc.)
The bathroom. I do not have this problem anymore, but I know many people who can’t sleep because they have to get up many times a night to go to the bathroom. I know some of these problems are related to medical issues but some people just get in the habit of going to the bathroom constantly and it is a form of nervous insomnia. I have had this problem when vacationing and I don’t know why. Maybe I consume more beverages when vacationing than I do normally at home but I have had this problem on vacations and it’s a pain. For me if I have to make a trip to the bathroom regardless of the time of night, that’s the last of my sleeping for the evening. To avoid nocturnal bathroom visits I stop eating and drinking at 4:00 p.m. each day.
Noise. If someone slams a car door even a distance down the block it will wake me up. I’m a very light sleeper, which is also a part of insomnia. In the summer people have their windows open and I can hear them talk and I hear their TVs. Noises like this can wake me up all night even if I’m having a rare decent night’s sleep. (I do not recall a time when I have slept through the night. You know, go to bed, fall asleep, wake up in the morning. What a concept! I must have but I truly do not recall ever doing that. It’s something I see in movies so I know it exists. When I have a dream I know I slept deeply at least for a while. If it was an exciting dream it wakes me up and I can’t fall back to sleep. )
My dad was a first class snorer. He could also sleep through earthquakes, thunderstorms, sirens, and the Ukiah volunteer fire brigade whistle that would sound out at any time of the day or NIGHT calling all the volunteers to fight a fire. He did not hear it. The whistle could be heard throughout the entire town of Ukiah and even beyond depending on prevailing winds. When I first moved there in the late ‘50s and I heard that whistle/siren I thought we were being invaded by Cuba.
His snoring probably was a clue to his subsequent serious health problem and the fact that he consumed large quantities of alcohol. People who do that seem to snore more than others. Especially beer drinkers. But the quality of his snoring was first class. It was thundering and sometimes frightening. The noise was so tremendous that I usually classified the snores on a scale of 1 to 10 while not sleeping in my little dark bedroom. I could also tell when a big one was coming much like we count the seconds from the lightning flash to the sound of its matching clap of thunder. He had a rather unusual snore sequence with a three-snort follow through. Stunning.
I have a wonderful little fan I keep by my bed and on warm nights rather than open the window I turn on the little fan. It cools me and also provides a little white noise to help cover some outside noises. Some nights it’s dogs, cats, car doors, distance sirens, TVs, talking frogs, crickets, and my neighbor’s sprinkler system.
There are other variant forms of insomnia that all blend together at times and sometimes I’ve been known to experience all or some of the above for several days at time. Some days I would go to work and sit at my desk, usually before anyone else got there, (because I’d been up for hours) and tears would form in my eyes just knowing that I had to be there in a fragile state for many hours before I could go home and collapse. Sometimes a coworker would call in sick because they couldn’t sleep the night before. If I did that I’d have spent my working years living under a bridge. The insomniac can’t call in sick. They need to save their sick time for, you know, when they are sick!
Over the years I attended night school for two separate career goals. One period for three years and one for five years. On class days I knew at the crack of dawn that I would not sleep that night. Self-fulfilling prophecy aside, that’s just the way it is. I’d get home after class, maybe have a light snack (remember, insomniacs have to be careful with food and drink before bed) then watch a little TV or read, go to bed--and stare at the ceiling.
I watched a hilarious Wanda Sykes comedy routine not long ago wherein she described what happens when women go to bed. Many of us cannot turn our brains off and we start thinking of the most outrageous things and the list goes on and on right down to wondering if we have enough birdseed. She didn’t mention the birdseed but I have actually thought of birdseed when going over things I had to do and things I did and things I wanted to do and things I should do and things I shouldn’t do and in no particular order. This seems to happen especially with moms. Especially single moms. Especially single moms financially challenged.
Light. Sometimes throughout my life my bedroom has faced another house and some neighbors have left lights on all night. Usually once I discover this I buy the equivalent of wartime black out curtains and can resolve this one with not too much fuss. But sometimes they do not ROUTINELY turn on the outdoor lights and leave them on but will do so occasionally. If I’m asleep and my neighbor turns on a light that happens to be even remotely close to my bedroom, it wakes me up and I can’t go back to sleep. (Note: years ago wall light switches made a “click” when you turned them off and on. Older homes may still have those light plates. When I was a child I could hear my parents click lights off and on throughout the evening until they went to bed. I remember one of my first apartments was fairly new and when I flipped on the light—it didn’t click! I almost cried.)
Food. As I mentioned above, the insomniac must closely monitor food and beverages. When I hit menopause I found I was sensitive to alcohol, garlic, and chocolate. I gave the first two up but I’m still eating chocolate occasionally. I try to eat it no later than 4:00 p.m. Coffee can also be a problem but I only have one cup a day and that’s usually quite early in the morning. I gave all caffeine up for a year and it made no difference whatsoever in solving my insomnia problem. Sometimes if I go out to dinner and we linger after the meal with coffee and dessert I won’t sleep partly because of the coffee but it’s also because of the entire meal and getting home after a nice evening and not being able to sleep because my routine was changed. If I have garlic I will have hot flashes all night. It’s a girl thing.
Hot flashes. As if my lifelong affliction with insomnia wasn’t enough, when I hit menopause I had horrific hot flashes all day and all night. I was given hormone replacement therapy and the flashes disappeared completely. Then it was deemed to be unsafe so I was taken off of it and have continued to suffer from these nasty flashes. (Hence the little fan.) I’m 64. Is that fair? I think not. They come and go and sometimes I can go days without them but I never know when they will return and that’s somewhat stressful in itself.
Next week, more of the same. I’m tired just thinking about it. (It’s 5:30 a.m. Crud.)
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