Writing/Publishing Your Great American Novel-Part 6 of 6

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Working with the self-publishing house I selected (authorhouse.com) was fantastic. I was assigned my own personal representative and she did it all. She explained everything I needed to know, suggested a myriad of services, and kept me informed on every step of the process. I paid only for the services I could afford and she suggested many ideas for the first time author. I had a credit card I set up that I used specifically for my publication and marketing needs.

After the book finally went to print I received a copy of it in the mail. It was a surprise from the publisher. I stood at my mailbox for a very long time staring at it. It was, as I said before, like having a baby. I cradled my little book baby and was filled with emotion. By the time I floated back to the house I was in another world.

After the first couple of weeks I was given lists of things to do by the publisher and I immediately started in. I contacted many local bookstores and, in particular, a bookstore in my hometown. I prepared letters of introduction and actually enclosed a copy of my book so that the managers could get a feel of what I had to offer. The publisher provided sample letters of introduction, beautiful postcards, business cards, flyers, press releases, etc. Not a single bookstore agreed to a book signing, not even in my small hometown. I was stunned. I kept sending it out and I received nothing in return. I then read that I should follow up with phone calls or visits. I did that a few times and got big fat “no thank yous.”

I continued reading methods of a successful launch and learned it was a smart idea to join local literary clubs, organizations, associations, and groups. I found quite a few and picked one to start and I began their online application, but there at the bottom of the application, in bold letters: “no self-published authors.” (Note to similar organizations: please put this information at the TOP of the application.)

Now, I don’t know about you but I’ve certainly read a lot of iffy books in my life and I know my book is not in that category nor does self-publishing automatically mean my work was turned down by traditional publishers and agents. No indeed because none of them ever read it. It may be rough around the edges for a first effort but I have received countless emails praising my story and characters. Many of my emails request a sequel!  I suppose to be fair the literary group I tried to join didn’t know that, but perhaps a screening which includes sample writings or even the book should be requested before they flatly refuse your admission to their elite group(s). Again, as in all areas of life, snobbery is alive and well.

Around this time my sister and I planned a lovely reception in the art gallery she shared with her artist friends in a beautiful upscale town in northern California. I invited a large group of family and friends, we had a lovely buffet and wine, and it was a fantastic launching of my book. I hired a professional photographer and a guitarist and the evening was truly spectacular. I received a disc from the photographer which I converted into a slideshow with music that I placed on my website.  I started selling copies via email.  More recently the last couple of years I’ve taken copies to my craft fairs, farmers markets, and festivals (I also have a small craft business).

Through much effort on my part I finally got it out there and began to enjoy a modest return for that effort. I receive emails from all over the country from strangers. Sometimes people at the craft fairs are visiting relatives or friends here from out of state and they take one of my books home then share it with their family and friends. The book has tremendous eye appeal and some people actually purchase the book simply because it’s beautiful—thanks to Mylette’s amazing artistic talent.

Had I prepared a larger advertising budget, which I’m planning for the second book, I believe it would have launched more smoothly. There are many promotions I tried that I would not waste my time doing again. My profits were modest and by modest I don’t mind telling you that I was able to carpet my house and take a little trip or two with friends on the proceeds. And for me, that was fine. I mostly wanted to write and publish and I did. And it still sells and I still promote it. It has been a rewarding experience in countless ways and now I know what to do the next time.

When I visit book stores with my son, which is every time we get together, I immediately go to the research computers that are placed around the stores for customers and type in the name of my book and it pops up with my beautiful book cover. I leave it there for all to see.  My little baby is all grown up and out in the world. (Next week: The Diet)

www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com

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Writing/Publishing Your Great American Novel-Part 5 of 6

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As I said early on, these blogs are meant to get you started. I’m not qualified to tell you what to write or how to write, just how to get started and some of the basics so you won’t feel bogged down. So many people simply can’t start because it seems overwhelming and it truly isn’t. I simplified the process because it is simple. Just do it. Your style, content, and methods will come with time.

Once you are comfortable with your completed manuscript, put it aside for a while and start researching publication possibilities. There are so many decisions to make in this area.

Ideally you would find an agent, the agent would find a publisher, and off you would go on a whirlwind of book signings and radio and TV interviews and speaking engagements at universities and join the lecture circuit. If that’s what you want, it’s possible, however, becoming a successful writer is about as promising as becoming a famous movie star. But what is a successful writer? For me it was just about the writing and getting it out there. 

Let’s say your book is good. Let’s even say it rivals Checkhov's writings (congrats). There are many elements surrounding you and your book that will determine its handling. One of the major hurdles is--you. If you haven’t been submitting magazine articles, essays, or other public submissions, you are not going to be well received by the industry. It’s not that they don’t want fresh talent, it’s that they are overwhelmed by it. As a result they pick through prospects looking for writers who have at least a small track record. They also hope you have a family member or friend who has a track record. Knowing someone who has successfully published in the traditional way is a huge hurdle you can overcome. Often you will slide into their agent/publishing pool and in time will publish or at the very least--they will read your submission as a courtesy to your friend/family member.

Another hurdle is education. I have a modest A.A. degree from a local community college and it was an adequate vocational tool for the work I did during my life. It is not prestigious and if you think our country is not class conscious, you need to read more. Not only is education important but also the school you attended is important. A young woman from Vassar on the Today Show is more appealing than an older woman from community college on local access TV. 

When you submit manuscripts some agents/publishers require a short bio. That’s where a lot of writers get the shaft. Again, it’s because agents and publishers are overwhelmed with manuscripts and if the young woman from Vassar has a compelling story and it’s sitting somewhere near yours in the mail stack, well, guess what???

There are excellent books listing agents and publishers. I purchased two large volumes and spent weeks reading them and selecting possibilities for submission. Each listing sets out exactly what they want and requirements are quite different for each. The listings also describe what material they are accepting so if you write a story about a lost dog don’t send it to an agent or publisher dealing with war stories. (Unless the dog was lost during the war then you might have a chance. If the dog went to Vassar, better yet. If the dog is a vampire, well, the sky's the limit.)

After I selected a fairly large number of agents and publishers I started preparing packets fulfilling the exact requirements of each and started making trips to the post office. In a few weeks as I continued to send packets out I started receiving replies. I have to say it’s a very supportive industry. I never received a nasty response. Though most of the responses were form letters they were encouraging and thanked me for my offering. Most of the replies stated they were not accepting new clients "at this time." If I was best friends with Toni Morrison, however, and had mentioned that in my bio, I would have at least gotten my foot in the door. The responses were much the same whether it was from an agent or a publisher. What I learned almost immediately is that my submissions were not being read. I certainly would not mind if I was rejected because my story wasn’t acceptable--but it wasn’t read. These entities receive too many submissions and I didn’t meet the minimum requirements for even a cursory examination.

After I had sent out a small fortune in postage, I received my only handwritten response. It was short and kind and the agent suggested I consider self-publishing. I had heard of vanity presses and self-publishing and it sounded like a lot of work with iffy results. Especially vanity press publication. So as usual, I spent quite a bit of time researching those options.

The two methods are similar. In my limited experience, however, I determined that vanity publishing left it all up to the writer and in the end you ended up with a garage full of books you had to schlep around to sell. With self-publishing you can pick and choose what services you want from the publisher and they do it for you and they keep the books and/or keep the book as print-on-demand. My publisher (authorhouse.com) has many services and they keep my book and print it for sale and distribution. I can order books to take to festivals and events and readers can order it online or at bookstores everywhere. I do not have the desire to spend every day hitting the streets to sell my book. You can purchase ads through a self-publisher and all sorts of press releases, etc. Though you may be small potatoes, you can successfully publish your book this way and many writers are turning to this method because you have all the control. If you do a little research you will discover the following I just found to include with this blog:

“Self-publishing is a branch of publishing in which the author publishes his own works, cutting out the middlemen and raking in all the profits himself. With the advent of computers and desktop publishing programs, this approach has become increasingly viable.”

I would add that it not only is viable but it may be your only way to publish. However, try the traditional route and see if it works for you. I’m not sure I will try traditional the next time even though I now have a track record.  With self-publishing you can look at your work as a small business. A small business of writing and publishing. I think that’s a fantastic way to go though perhaps not as profitable as traditional publishing initially. It’s a competitive field. More on that next Sunday which will be the last blog on writing and publishing. New blogs on insomnia, dieting, and other worldly topics are in the works!

www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com

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Writing/Publishing Your Great American Novel-Part 4 of 6

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Most publishers want manuscripts to meet their specific standards. Requirements are similar throughout the industry but to be on the safe side, prepare your story in Word. At some point it might be converted to .pdf or it will be done for you. Double space your manuscript and use one-inch borders. Indent for paragraphs. That’s just basic but be warned you could be asked to change it. Self-publishing often requires you do a lot of the grunt work yourself and that isn’t bad. It’s a wonderful way to learn how to do things right. I started my book in WordPerfect but had to convert it all to Word.  It was fairly easy but I had to go over it with a fine-toothed comb because some of the transitioned spacing and words didn’t work well.

Editing is my favorite part of writing. I do not have a set method I use because it depends on other areas of my life. Sometimes I write for days and days and days without stopping. Then I may not get back to my computer for a few days because my life by this time has gotten out of control. Once I have my life back in order I sit back down and read what I wrote and edit. I love that part. I always find better ways of saying things and I’m often inspired to write more in certain spots. I also remove crappola. Sometimes I save the crappola and place it in a “crappola” file on my computer. It may be unsuitable for my current story but if I like how it reads I save it for another.

I rarely print out my pages until the entire story is set. I do several edits and think it’s almost done but then I print it out and find it’s not. I use a red pen, put my feet up and read it from beginning to end. I also love that part. The first read on paper. Next, I make all the corrections which takes a very long time and I do not print it out again—yet. I read it on the computer from beginning to end making smaller edits. I may do this a dozen times. Maybe more. Then I print it out again. At this point it’s almost born but I make copies and give it to selected family members and friends. Not only do they find things I missed but they often have suggestions. My daughter did not like any of the names I had selected for my characters and had compelling reasons for me to change them. She’s has a theater arts degree and knows the importance of a properly named character. My son has an English degree and you can guess what he suggested! (He is also a writer but mark my word, he will not be a simple story teller. He has one of those brains that sees the universe—and understands it.) My mom questioned some of my facts in certain time periods, which sent me back to research.

When I’m asked if writing is difficult it’s hard to answer. I do not find it difficult but it certainly zaps the time right out of your life and it becomes your life. Your family situation makes writing challenging sometimes. For me, however, the hardest part is stopping. I truly can sit here and write until I ache. My back went out from a gardening mishap and I had to set a timer to remind myself to get up from the computer and walk around and stretch. When I had my original 700 or so pages I realized for my story that was too much. I wanted to attract readers who wanted a simple story with a little excitement. The competition for the attention of readers is tremendous. For my first book I wanted to simply get it out there. My next stories may be longer. I love reading a book that goes on forever but I also love reading a book I can read from start to finish on a rainy day. That’s what I ended up with. A rainy day book. The sky’s the limit in that area. Back next Sunday.

www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com

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Writing/Publishing Your Great American Novel-Part 3

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I often (but not always) have music streaming from my living room while writing. When I wrote the toughest chapter in my book I had a hard time finding the right feel for it. I tried silence, music, open windows, closed windows, heat, no heat, tried writing in the morning, evening, and middle of the night. Nothing. It wasn’t writer’s block.  The chapter was written but it wasn’t right. It was the wrong feel for what I knew I wanted. I found it finally with The Rolling Stones, Singles Collection, The London Years.  I set my MP3 Player on my Bose (I now have an iPod with an incredible storage capacity so that I never have to fiddle with music when I’m writing), came in here, sat down, and immediately the chapter changed. I can hardly remember how it came about but later when I sat back down to read it I almost died. It was scary and horrific and disgusting and frightening and sick and vulgar and outrageous and over the top and foul--and exactly what I wanted. (I like the effect of run-on sentences.)

If you haven’t read my little story, borrow it from a friend or find it on line (it’s at all the major bookstores-no kidding) and read it. You will know the chapter I’m talking about. BEWARE.  The chapter is scary and some people have had nightmares (I love that). Legal disclaimer: The Stones did not drive me to write depraved material. They simply zapped my brain and that’s all I needed.

If you have a spouse, family members, a roommate, neighbors, and friends, you must explain that when you are writing you hope to be left alone while you are at the computer. In the beginning everyone just falls all over themselves assuring you they are right behind you, they won’t make a peep, they think it’s fantastic, just let them know if there’s anything they can get for you like coffee, or any errands to run, or they will go to the movies so you can have peace and quiet, and you won’t hear a peep out of them. Honest.

After a few weeks they whine and complain and call you and leave voicemails saying things like “you are always writing that stupid book.”  They are sick of the fourteen wine glasses and six coffee cups in the sink and the dog’s water bowl is empty and you never want to go to lunch anymore and you haven’t called them in forever and you never want to meet anyone for coffee anymore and how long is this stupid book going to take. I could go on (believe me) but you get the point. You have to make them leave you alone. Nothing pops the creativity bubble more than someone complaining there’s no food in the house. Did Tolstoy have to stop and go to the grocery store?  By the way, unlike the humans in your life, dogs do need you to stop writing and take them for a walk, feed them, and make sure they have water, pet them, tell them they are the best dog, you love them, and give them treats. The humans are on their own.

Before we move on to the next session let me just reiterate regarding my previous comments on childbirth/writing/publishing: writing and publishing a book, if done properly, is absolutely the thrill of a lifetime. I often Google my name and it comes up everywhere (go ahead, try it!).  It is not an ego thing. It’s like watching your children travel throughout the world. The other day it popped up at a site in India. INDIA! I don’t think anyone has purchased it in India, but it’s there.  I can’t tell you what a rush that is to see it everywhere. I found it in Japan! In France! In the UK! It’s on eBay! This doesn’t mean it’s actually selling in all these fabulous places but it makes the heart go pitter patter to see it literally all over the world. The fact that the book cover is breathtakingly beautiful helps a great deal let me tell you (thank you, Mylette). Who wouldn’t want that lovely book sitting on a coffee table? So if that’s how you see YOUR story, go for it because I did and now it’s out there!

So we’ve covered beverages, computers, research tools, music, the potential enemy pool made up of family and friends, and the incredible thrill of what’s to come. You have begun. Next week I will share just a few tips to help process the pages and cover editing.

www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com 

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Writing/Publishing Your Great American Novel-Part 2 of 6

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Here are a few things you need to write a book:

Coffee, if you are typing in the morning; wine, if you are typing in the evening. I suppose you can interchange those items as you please.

Most of us are keyboard savvy. There are some who still like the feel of pen and paper but they end up hiring someone to type it all up on a computer. If they are self-publishing, they have to pay that person ahead of publication. If you believe you are not good enough to put it all down on the computer, try it first. By the time you have completed a few hundred pages--you will be. My brain-to-fingertip-to keyboard ratio is instantaneous. I can type almost as fast as I can think. That’s not necessary but it sure is helpful. It should not be a deterrent however.  If you can’t manage speedy typing, consider dictating then type up your dictation to get a little more comfortable with word-processing and typing. Being proficient at the typing part will be very helpful in the editing stage--the editing stage that you do before a professional editor touches it. You have to edit your manuscript to perfection before you give it to anyone. And yes, I know many famous authors used feather quill pens and inkwells. What century are you living in? Not theirs.

Many people are proficient at using a computer but not necessarily word-processing (except the basics). There are many software programs available to help you learn to type or to type a little better. My kids taught themselves to type when they were very young with our first computer and they used Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing (not sure if it’s still around but you can Google it and find that and many others).  They learned in one weekend and they had fun learning. They were slow to begin with but they are now speedy like me.

You’ll need a good dictionary sitting next to you as well as the one built into your word processor and access to research on line. You should be looking everything up. Everything. It may be fiction but your facts need to be correct and you need to use the write words and spel them coractly.  (If that last sentence didn’t elicit a gasp, you failed my little test and you will definitely need an editor.) It would be nice if you were an English major but most of us are not. Doesn’t mean we don’t have great stories to tell in a clever way. Even if we are borderline illiterate we can tell a story. It can be fixed later. If, however, you can manage to put sentences together, that’s a plus.

My grandmother had a fourth grade education but told tremendous stories and I was too shortsighted to write them all down. I have been dredging my memory and making notes for potential stories based on her life. If you have seniors in your life they are a great resource for writing material.

On a shelving unit fairly near my computer I have stacks of books to assist in the writing process. The one I keep next to my coffee (or wine) is The Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr. and E.B. White. It is considered the writer’s bible. It’s slim and easy to use and before writing I usually read it cover to cover. Every time.  And I refer to it as I write. I use my word-processing grammar check and spell check of course, but I want to understand how putting words together works and this book wraps it up rather well. There are many liberties I take in my writing. Like fragments. Love fragmented sentences. Use them a lot. Why? Just my style. It’s how I talk. I’m a fragmented talker and I write the way I talk.  Sometimes I do it for effect; sometimes I do it because it’s natural for me.

I like to write at my comfort level but please don’t think that means you can let it all hang out. You can’t. On my shelves I have other volumes I grab and study a particular way to do something and I end up reading about a topic for an hour or two when that happens. Believe it or not, that’s still the writing process. You write and write and write then you look things up and research and read and read then read some more and it goes on and on that way. I like to sit here and write until my sitz bones hurt, and then I come back after a break and edit and review and research again.

If you haven’t taken writing classes or brushed up on your English in a while, it wouldn’t hurt to do so now. You need not suspend your writing but by the time you’ve finished your masterpiece you will have probably had time to tuck away a few courses at your local community college to help you out a bit. And you will meet other writers and networking in the writing community is great fun and quite helpful.

Also next to my computer is a simple note pad to scribble all sorts of things I want to remember. (I have a problem with remembering my characters’ names. Not a good idea to use your murderer’s name sweetly kissing the victim instead of her husband’s name. I have actually caught that in novels.) I also zip to the bottom of my pages and quickly type notes if something comes up that I can’t take the time to jot on a notepad. It’s faster for me to type it at the bottom of my pages. My brain-to-fingers-to-pen-to-paper ratio is slow, slow, slow. I can barely sign my name anymore because of my unnatural attachment to all things computer. More next Sunday.

www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com

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Writing/Publishing Your Great American Novel-Part 1 of 6

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I receive many emails requesting information on how to start a craft business and almost an equal amount of email requesting information on how to write and publish a book, how to get started, etc.  You might have a story lined up and you are aching to get it on paper. Getting started is easy. If you like to write, sit down and write. It’s that easy. Everyone has a story to tell. Or you might be reading this to figure out why your friend, mom, neighbor, coworker, boyfriend, girlfriend (or psychologist) is always talking about writing a book. The answer to that is easy: creating stories or music or art or a beautiful cabinet or a tranquil garden or building a boat from scratch or sculpting, or whatever, is what life is all about. That’s what humans do.

I have always loved reading and writing and have written countless essays, short stories, diaries, journals, letters, [blogs], published a novel, and have prepared outlines for many novels, beginning in my early teens. I started a science fiction story/novella when I was in the eighth grade that I worked on for close to a year.  It’s lost in space somewhere (pun intended) but I would love to have it now. I remember it well but would love to see my own youthful handwriting and see if my writing style has changed at all.  It was done in scented ballpoint pen on regular binder paper. Lots and lots of binder paper.  Years ago during tough times (and pre-computer), I journaled myself to sleep many nights on a Selectric typewriter.  Writing to me is a daily activity. I write to politicians, I email my family and friends (a lot), I work on story outlines and concept paragraphs and business letters and consumer complaint letters, on my website, and many other writings. (I love parentheticals.)

A few years ago I wrote and published a book and next to childbirth it was the best time of my life. The months leading to publication were similar to the months prior to birth except my water didn’t break. Writing (labor) was not as hard as publishing (delivery). Publishing was much more painful, though I didn’t require an episiotomy. The birth of a book is emotional and hard and worth all of the pain. Just like having kids.

I consider myself a storyteller, not a literary writer.  I know I’m not James Joyce, but I’m also not Nora Roberts. Nora Roberts has her niche and she handles it well (and makes a tidy sum of money) but the content and style of the romance novel does not appeal to me.  There are all kinds of writers and I can’t begin to cover the creative part of the process. I’d simply like to help those interested in following their dream. My limited area of expertise is the novel. I’m certain non-fiction production may be similar but with specific differences.

The mechanics of writing are important but can be learned--to an extent. If you have a fabulous story to tell you could hire a ghostwriter as a way to get your story out there.  However, if you feel confident enough to write your own novel, do it. If it isn’t perfect there are editors who make a living correcting the little imperfections of the novice writer. (If you self-publish, you’ll be paying these editors yourself. I didn’t employ an editor and I may the next time. There are a few things in my first book I didn’t catch. Sort of makes me wince when I see them, but they are insignificant. Your kids probably aren’t perfect either).  If you are writing something that will be picked up by an agent or a publishing house, they will have that done for you. More on that part of the process in later blogs.  

www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com

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Retirement: a youth of labor with an age of ease! (1 of 1)

Before I begin the next series of promised blogs (writing/publishing a book), I thought I would answer a question many people ask:  Do I like retirement?  They ask because they say they don’t know what they would do with themselves all day long when they retire with nothing to do. My standard response is:  Are you nuts?

Still, it makes me realize retirement is not the same for everyone. So I did a little research and I’m happy to report that most retirees today find plenty to do. Some find themselves busier now than they were before retiring.  Of all the reading and research I’ve done on the topic, however, I have yet to read about my particular situation-the divorced/single retiree. I know there are more out there like me, but I can’t find them. Maybe they aren’t included in research studies or I simply haven’t found their stories yet. So here’s mine.

Retirees in my category find themselves free--totally free--for the first time in their entire lives.  It’s possible some may not want that special classification, but I wanted it and I have it and it’s tremendous. Many people retire with a spouse and they now spend hours each day together (which can be good or bad or both) but whatever the case, they are, therefore, not totally free. They may even like this new arrangement, but I have heard mixed reports from married family and friends. Without eight hours of employment per day to keep couples separated, many couples find it challenging to stay out of prison. Then there are the sad illness issues that complicate retirement often leaving one senior caring for the other day and night when their own health may be sliding as well.  I did not like marriage and chose to not go there again because I saw the future and it was grim.

I retired in 2007 and for the first time in my life, I found I was totally and completely and gloriously on my own.  I now answer to no one (as long as I obey the basic laws of the land).  I am responsible to or for no one but my pets, and myself, but no humans. I may offer assistance to others, and I do, but I don’t have to. I have learned to say no. It’s my decision, finally, how I live each day.

Most of us begin life with our parents and stay with them for quite some time. They are responsible for our lives and they support us emotionally and financially. We are guided and disciplined and are responsible to and are the responsibility of our parents.  We must follow their rules.

During that time we also are guided and disciplined and are responsible to and are the responsibility of our teachers and schools. We must follow their rules.  Some of us work during our teen years where we are guided and disciplined and are responsible to and are the responsibility of our employers. We must follow their rules.  Throw in a few extracurricular activities (sports, music, theater, etc.) and the authorities pile on. The first 18 years or so of our lives are totally controlled by multiple layers of authority:  parents, educators, employers, and organized activities.

After our teen education ends many of us go off to college where we are guided and disciplined and are responsible to and are the responsibility of our colleges with continuing oversight by our parents in most cases.  We must follow their rules.  And let’s not forget part-time or even full-time jobs for some students where we are guided and disciplined and are responsible to and the responsibility of our employers. We must follow their rules. Layer upon layer of control and authority.

Though we perceive we have freedom when we go off to college and live in our own dorm or apartment, we do not.  Many of us run amuck during this period thinking we finally own our lives. Not only do we not own our own lives, when we screw up at this level we are now costing our parents great sums of money to bail us out and/or try to keep us in college. Sometimes we must return home with our tails between our legs where we are once more guided and disciplined and responsible to and are the responsibility of our parents. We must follow their rules (again). By this time we may be in our early twenties or beyond. 

If we do not go to college, we begin the adult employment world and are guided and disciplined and are responsible to and are the responsibility of our employers. We must follow their rules. Often the young working adult decides to get married. Now we are guided and disciplined and are responsible to and the responsibility of our spouse. We must follow our respective rules. Don’t think so? Check out divorce statistics.

Next we have children where we are guided (and guide) and are disciplined (and discipline), and are responsible to and are responsible for the lives of our children. We must follow parenting rules. (For those who do not think you are disciplined by your children try to recall the time you picked your daughter up at soccer practice only to discover she was at gymnastics practice, 30 minutes in the opposite direction. Driving up to an angry 10-year old standing in the dark (and rain) with an even angrier gymnastics coach standing beside her is discipline of the highest order and it lasts for days.) 

Sometimes during the adult years a divorce kicks in. The staggering amount of guidance and discipline and responsibility to and for our children and life in all areas is overwhelming. We must follow many rules including those found in divorce laws. Raising children follows the same 18 or so years we spent in that position in our youth but reversed. And we have the same employment guidance and discipline and are responsible to and are the responsibility of that employer with an ex-spouse still pulling strings financially and/or emotionally. We must follow a multitude of rules. We are far far far from being free (though some of us certainly feel relief with the spouse out of the picture).

Eventually our children are grown, out of college and/or employed, and truly on their own with the same guidance and discipline and responsibilities to and from the issues we lived through. They must follow the rules. Time for us to finally relax? No, we are still employed.  We still have guidance and discipline and responsibilities to and from our employer. We must follow their rules. In exchange for our attendance and obedience in the workplace each day they give us money and we probably need money desperately if we managed to get kids through college by cashing in our 401Ks, pension plans, piling up the credit cards for books and materials, and obtaining second mortgages for tuition. 

In a country that values freedom above all, so few of us have true personal freedom. Some are incapable of comprehending a life of freedom and feel they must be forever attached to another human to exist. In some instances where people find they are on their own due to illness or death or divorce it is painful and often heartbreaking because they don’t want a life on their own. They want to be connected to another person.  Often these people scramble to find another person to bond with whether or not it’s a worthy bonding. I know some of these sad unions and I’m reminded of a great saying:  it’s better to be alone than to wish you were.

And so at last we find ourselves at retirement. For the divorced/single person with a pension, retirement is pure heaven on earth. To think that I made it to this point in life where I can jump off my roof or hop on a plane to China or sell my house and live in a camper and travel the country or sleep all day, read all night, eat what I want, spend what I want when I want, start a business, write a book, work or not work, watch movies all day, drink coffee in the afternoon because I don’t have to get up at 6:00 a.m. the next morning, spend all day petting my dog, cook or not cook, vacuum or not vacuum, watch the birds in my bird bath, wear my pajamas all day, plant flower seeds, sit on my patio swing with a glass of wine on a summer afternoon and watch the aforementioned seeds grow, practice the piano, learn a language(s), hop in the car for no reason and take a drive, or do absolutely nothing at all, it is an amazing time of life.

I find I keep very busy and every day is filled with people I want to see, things I want to do, and creative things I longed to do my entire life but never had the time.  Not once prior to retirement did I ever wonder what I would do with my time. And I have an amazing plan for my future. When I turn 90 I’m going to slow down a little and begin drinking lots of Margaritas, eat large amounts of chocolate, and resume smoking, which I have missed every single day of my life for 35 years as of this writing. I can hardly wait.

O, blest retirement!

Friend to life's decline -


How blest is he who crowns,

in shades like these,


a youth of labor with an age of ease!


~Oliver Goldsmith

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