Insomnia Is Not Your Friend-Part 3 of 3

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Sleep is so important that we have devoted an entire room in our habitats for sleep. The focal point of this room is the bed. It is usually smack dab in the middle of the bedroom.  This room, unlike all other rooms in a home, is often shrine-like in its use. How many of us come home from a hard day at work and flop face first on the bed, fully dressed, before beginning the evening routine? And on weekends, if we are very lucky and soccer practice days are behind us, how often do we linger under the covers and smile and praise the arrival of Saturday morning so we don’t have to jump out of our bed and leave it with the warmth of our bodies still emanating beneath the covers? How many times have we made our bed after our trip to the bathroom in the morning only to discover it’s still warm? How desperately do we wish we could hop back in? Yes, other activities besides sleep take place in the bed, but that’s for someone else’s blog because this series is all about sleep—or the lack thereof.

I am a fan of the Home & Garden Network and I’ve watched a few shows built around the proper set up of a sleep-inducing bedroom. A little research on the Internet lists thousands of articles on insomnia and they most all describe the perfect setting for a proper night’s sleep in a proper bedroom. And so, like childhood, I have the perfect bedroom for sleep. It doesn’t work, but I have it.

First, I selected dark soothing colors. Next, my bedroom is decluttered. It would not be appealing to a decorator but for someone with insomnia they would know immediately it’s a serious room for sleep. My room contains a bed, a small dresser with a small TV, and a comfy chair and a lamp. That’s it.

Many articles and studies on insomnia recommend that we don’t watch TV in bed. It is considered a possible insomnia irritant. I did not watch TV in my bedroom for many years because of that potential issue. I had enough problems as it was. However, at one point in my life when I had my college kids living with me before they went off to their four-year schools, I would retreat to my bedroom to relax and watch TV leaving the rest of the house to them and their weird schedules of work and school. Now, if I’m having a particularly bad night, I click it on and watch a little and set the sleep timer and it has helped me fall asleep. Primarily because most programs on TV are horrible and boring (see future blog on television) so it’s easy to just listen to the noise it makes, which keeps outside noises from disturbing me. Again, I use it as “white noise” and why it works is a mystery but it does help.

Sleeping pills. Naturally throughout my life I have tried sleeping pills. One of the most disconcerting experiments happened just a few years ago. My doctor prescribed a pill with instructions to take one then if that didn’t work try two the next time, then three, then finally four. Never more than four. Over a four-day period I was up to four and they did nothing at all. I was not even sleepy. I have better luck with Advil PM than that sleeping pill. By the way, I do take Advil PM on occasion when I’ve had many days of particularly bad sleep. It does help me fall asleep but does not keep me asleep. Also, if I take it too often (every night) it loses its effectiveness after three days. So I save it for The Bad Days. (Note (again): I have a terrible time sleeping in anyone’s home. It’s an issue in hotels and motels but not as much as a person’s home. Why? Typical home noises. Hotels and motels are usually much quieter unless you select a super economy motel/hotel.)

Another sleeping pill I tried while living and working in San Francisco worked great but I couldn’t go to my 8 to 5 job until about 10:00 a.m. I kept taking the pill earlier and earlier in the evening to see if I could actually get up earlier but I found I had to take it at 4 p.m. the evening before which meant I was asleep at 5:00 p.m. That wasn’t good because at 5:00 p.m. I was on the bus heading home from work. Sleeping on a bus is very restful but somewhat dangerous.

Depression. One would think that I would suffer from depression because of this disorder. Oddly, I do not. I have experienced situational depression in my life but it never lasts long. I have read countless articles and studies wherein they describe depression and its possible related sleep issues. Sometimes depressed people sleep all the time, sometimes not at all, and sometimes they experience a combination of both. People with depression often require medications to treat their depression and sometimes those medications help them sleep normally. I have explored this possibility with many doctors over the years and we have always come to the conclusion that I do not suffer from depression. In those rare times when I have felt depressed it is always related to a sad development in life like the death of a loved one or some other event of that depth. Most of the time I buzz through life contented (except for a rather unpleasant 16-year period, which I will discuss in a future blog entitled Relationships. Even then I was not depressed but mostly exasperated. My sleep was disturbed more during that period due to parenting situations and babies and all of that but it really wasn’t much different that before babies.)

The cure: there is none. There’s information to help you cope and so I will share what I do.

First, I’m divorced (that helps a lot) and my children are grown and on their own (ditto). That means I have peace and quiet and can have my late-in-the-day relaxing period where I shut myself off from the outside world and start my “cool down.” This involves a nice bath or shower. Bathing before bed for an insomniac is very soothing. After my daily cool down and shower, I climb under the covers in my sleep-inducing bedroom, and relax. I may or may not watch TV or read, depending on what’s going on in the neighborhood. (Note: Relaxing if not sleeping is better than tossing and turning. You can train yourself to relax and rest. Not as good as sleep, but better than hysteria at 3:00 a.m.)  

Next, being a lifelong insomniac, I usually know what is ahead of me. I know if I’m going to have a dozing night, a sleepless night, or any of the others. It’s just an odd feeling. How many times have I said to family and friends that I knew I wasn’t going to sleep. Last night, for example, I had a very comfortable night’s sleep though I didn’t sleep very long. The part of the time I did sleep was comfortable and when I woke up I spent the rest of the night dozing. Not a horrible combination. When I got up I didn’t feel like pounding my skull with a hammer. That was a good night.

Finally, when it’s very bad I have learned to relax and think pleasant thoughts. Sort of a Zen thing. Earlier in life before I got a handle on this problem I’d cry. I never get in that state anymore. I deal with it and I relax. Partly it’s because I don’t have to get up at a certain time and be somewhere in an alert state. But it’s also because if I’m not going to sleep I’m at least going to relax. I have a little clock that has a variety of soothing sounds that often puts me in a relaxed state.  And I occasionally take an Advil PM to help me if I can’t fall asleep.

That’s it. The cure. Relax and don’t worry about it. It is what it is.

When I started this blog series I had no idea it would stretch to three blogs. I now know I could go on and on with this topic but it makes me crazy so I’m stopping. It’s 12:15 a.m. Went to bed, couldn’t sleep, here I am! [Michelle Pfeiffer has insomnia. I’m in good company.]

Next week: Bette Davis Eyes & Farrah Fawcett Hair.

[Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite! And if they do, hit them with your shoe to make them black and blue!]

www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com

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Insomnia Is Not Your Friend-Part 2 of 3

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When insomniacs discover each other it’s love at first sight. Usually it happens when a person states to a gathered group, “Oh, sorry everyone. I’m a little goofy today. Haven’t slept well lately.” For noninsomniacs in that conversation pool they gracefully nod and say something comforting to the weary one. For insomniacs in the group we immediately spring into action: “Do you have insomnia?” If the answer is yes, and it most often is, the others disappear into the background as the two insomniacs, possibly strangers moments ago, bond and discuss current sleep issues.

It’s not that we are trying to outdo each other with horror stories, but rather, it’s a fact-finding mission. Sometimes another member of the group joins in. It suddenly occurs to them they have similar sleep problems. Hmmmmmm. Sometimes insomniacs need to be gently coached out of the insomnia closet and often it’s by two or more insomniacs discussing the problem. I have met many people with raging insomnia in total denial. Once I grill them (and I do) they realize they actually do have the problem. Admitting they have insomnia opens the door to possible relief. Slim though that may be. 

So for those who do not think they suffer from insomnia I’d like to describe most of the different types of insomnia that are out there for your nonsleeping displeasure. Maybe you will see yourself in one of these scenarios. I sure hope not.

First, we can’t fall asleep. This is very common and people who do not suffer from insomnia do occasionally end up with sleepless nights like this so you are probably familiar with this one. We are dead tired but we just can’t get into the sleep mode. We toss and turn and get up and go to the bathroom and get water or hot milk or a shot of something 80 proof or take pills or watch TV or read. Whatever we do nothing seems to help. For the noninsomniac this can often be attributed to some sort of stress. Even happy stress like the night before a long planned for vacation. Or a wedding or a new job. Stress is stress and even happy stress can keep you awake. Pain will do it too. As we age we often have creeping aches and pains. We deal.

Next on the list, we fall asleep but wake up in an hour or two never to fall back asleep again that night. This is usually a state reserved for hard-core insomniacs but occasionally “normal” people may suffer this state. Again, maybe we were bone tired, fell asleep but had a stressful dream or there was a loud noise four blocks away and then once awakened we start thinking about the pile of work we have to do in the morning or the surgery our best friend is going to have, etc. True insomniacs experience this type often, but it can be enjoyed by others.

Another fun insomnia state is dozing. We sort of fall asleep then we wake up then we sort of fall asleep then we wake up then we sort of fall asleep then we wake up. If we look at a clock (which I turn to the wall now to avoid driving myself nuts) we’ll see we are sleeping--or more correctly--dozing in 10, 15 or 20-minute intervals all night. This particular form of insomnia is the one I experience 80% of the time. (Note: I almost never dream. If you are not sleeping you are not dreaming. When I do dream it’s a winner.)

Next, and my personal favorite, no sleep at all. We go to bed, we’re tired, drowsy and we almost fall asleep--but we don’t. We NEVER fall asleep. The next morning we feel like we have been run over by a truck and have a hangover. I’m not much of a drinker but I have had a few occasions in life where I’ve had too much alcohol on an empty stomach so I know what a hangover feels like. We feel foggy headed and out of sorts all day after a night of zero sleep.  I have read that if this occurs over a few days it can lead to serious emergency healthy issues. It is also a form of torture—keep the person awake and never let them sleep with the end result being they will divulge government secrets just to get some sleep.  I could never be a spy. After one of these zero sleep nights, about three o’clock in the afternoon the next day, we may even hallucinate. If we drive anywhere we should be arrested.

And after that night’s horror you would think we would fall asleep the next night; right? Nope. We may have another night just like it or one of the other forms of insomnia. Usually after a night of nonsleep I have a night of dozing. Still a zombie the next day.

Another fun insomnia experience is when our schedule changes and for some reason we have to get up earlier than we usually do. Nothing else in our life can be a problem, no stress happy or otherwise, but just changing an insomniac’s sleep routine is enough to keep them awake for hours. Then about an hour before it’s time to get up we fall asleep. Deep sound sleep. When the alarm goes off it’s devastating. (Note: most insomniacs are early risers. By “early” I mean 3:00 a.m., 4:00 a.m., etc.)  

The bathroom. I do not have this problem anymore, but I know many people who can’t sleep because they have to get up many times a night to go to the bathroom. I know some of these problems are related to medical issues but some people just get in the habit of going to the bathroom constantly and it is a form of nervous insomnia. I have had this problem when vacationing and I don’t know why. Maybe I consume more beverages when vacationing than I do normally at home but I have had this problem on vacations and it’s a pain. For me if I have to make a trip to the bathroom regardless of the time of night, that’s the last of my sleeping for the evening. To avoid nocturnal bathroom visits I stop eating and drinking at 4:00 p.m. each day.

Noise. If someone slams a car door even a distance down the block it will wake me up. I’m a very light sleeper, which is also a part of insomnia. In the summer people have their windows open and I can hear them talk and I hear their TVs. Noises like this can wake me up all night even if I’m having a rare decent night’s sleep. (I do not recall a time when I have slept through the night. You know, go to bed, fall asleep, wake up in the morning. What a concept! I must have but I truly do not recall ever doing that. It’s something I see in movies so I know it exists. When I have a dream I know I slept deeply at least for a while. If it was an exciting dream it wakes me up and I can’t fall back to sleep. )

My dad was a first class snorer. He could also sleep through earthquakes, thunderstorms, sirens, and the Ukiah volunteer fire brigade whistle that would sound out at any time of the day or NIGHT calling all the volunteers to fight a fire. He did not hear it. The whistle could be heard throughout the entire town of Ukiah and even beyond depending on prevailing winds. When I first moved there in the late ‘50s and I heard that whistle/siren I thought we were being invaded by Cuba.

His snoring probably was a clue to his subsequent serious health problem and the fact that he consumed large quantities of alcohol. People who do that seem to snore more than others. Especially beer drinkers. But the quality of his snoring was first class. It was thundering and sometimes frightening. The noise was so tremendous that I usually classified the snores on a scale of 1 to 10 while not sleeping in my little dark bedroom. I could also tell when a big one was coming much like we count the seconds from the lightning flash to the sound of its matching clap of thunder. He had a rather unusual snore sequence with a three-snort follow through. Stunning.  

I have a wonderful little fan I keep by my bed and on warm nights rather than open the window I turn on the little fan. It cools me and also provides a little white noise to help cover some outside noises. Some nights it’s dogs, cats, car doors, distance sirens, TVs, talking frogs, crickets, and my neighbor’s sprinkler system.

There are other variant forms of insomnia that all blend together at times and sometimes I’ve been known to experience all or some of the above for several days at time. Some days I would go to work and sit at my desk, usually before anyone else got there, (because I’d been up for hours) and tears would form in my eyes just knowing that I had to be there in a fragile state for many hours before I could go home and collapse. Sometimes a coworker would call in sick because they couldn’t sleep the night before. If I did that I’d have spent my working years living under a bridge. The insomniac can’t call in sick. They need to save their sick time for, you know, when they are sick!

Over the years I attended night school for two separate career goals. One period for three years and one for five years. On class days I knew at the crack of dawn that I would not sleep that night. Self-fulfilling prophecy aside, that’s just the way it is. I’d get home after class, maybe have a light snack (remember, insomniacs have to be careful with food and drink before bed) then watch a little TV or read, go to bed--and stare at the ceiling.

I watched a hilarious Wanda Sykes comedy routine not long ago wherein she described what happens when women go to bed. Many of us cannot turn our brains off and we start thinking of the most outrageous things and the list goes on and on right down to wondering if we have enough birdseed. She didn’t mention the birdseed but I have actually thought of birdseed when going over things I had to do and things I did and things I wanted to do and things I should do and things I shouldn’t do and in no particular order. This seems to happen especially with moms. Especially single moms. Especially single moms financially challenged.

Light. Sometimes throughout my life my bedroom has faced another house and some neighbors have left lights on all night. Usually once I discover this I buy the equivalent of wartime black out curtains and can resolve this one with not too much fuss. But sometimes they do not ROUTINELY turn on the outdoor lights and leave them on but will do so occasionally. If I’m asleep and my neighbor turns on a light that happens to be even remotely close to my bedroom, it wakes me up and I can’t go back to sleep. (Note: years ago wall light switches made a “click” when you turned them off and on. Older homes may still have those light plates. When I was a child I could hear my parents click lights off and on throughout the evening until they went to bed. I remember one of my first apartments was fairly new and when I flipped on the light—it didn’t click! I almost cried.)

Food. As I mentioned above, the insomniac must closely monitor food and beverages. When I hit menopause I found I was sensitive to alcohol, garlic, and chocolate. I gave the first two up but I’m still eating chocolate occasionally. I try to eat it no later than 4:00 p.m. Coffee can also be a problem but I only have one cup a day and that’s usually quite early in the morning. I gave all caffeine up for a year and it made no difference whatsoever in solving my insomnia problem. Sometimes if I go out to dinner and we linger after the meal with coffee and dessert I won’t sleep partly because of the coffee but it’s also because of the entire meal and getting home after a nice evening and not being able to sleep because my routine was changed. If I have garlic I will have hot flashes all night. It’s a girl thing.

Hot flashes. As if my lifelong affliction with insomnia wasn’t enough, when I hit menopause I had horrific hot flashes all day and all night. I was given hormone replacement therapy and the flashes disappeared completely. Then it was deemed to be unsafe so I was taken off of it and have continued to suffer from these nasty flashes. (Hence the little fan.) I’m 64. Is that fair? I think not. They come and go and sometimes I can go days without them but I never know when they will return and that’s somewhat stressful in itself.

Next week, more of the same. I’m tired just thinking about it. (It’s 5:30 a.m. Crud.)

www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com

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Insomnia Is Not Your Friend-Part 1 of 3

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I have had some form of insomnia since childhood. I have a vivid recollection of naptime in kindergarten and being poked by nuns telling me to stop wiggling and go to sleep. They would stand over me and nudge me (not so gently) with the toe of their shoe or a blackboard pointer. Because they didn’t want to disturb the other children they would whisper an admonition about what would happen to me if I didn’t fall asleep. Looking up at them, flowing visions in black, it always appeared they were growling or hissing at me.

I had the most interesting childhood bedroom of anyone I knew. My bedroom had two doors. One led to a hallway leading to our three bedrooms and the bathroom, the other door to the breakfast “nook.” When I went to bed each night I could see light coming through the bottom of the doors and it kept me awake. I eventually learned that I could place stuffed toys at the bottom of the doors to keep the light out. (Get up, get the toys, arrange the toys, go back to bed, toys weren’t right, get up, arrange the toys, go back to bed, toys weren’t right, get up, get more toys, bang toe on corner of bed.)

I also had a window in that room. Light from a street light about a block away shined through the sides of the curtain right in my eyes. I spent many years of my childhood with my pillow over my eyes. Because of the placement of the two doors, the closet, and the window, the bed could only be placed where it was. My parents eventually put a room darkening shade on that window but it was a fitted shade that hung inside the frame.

To make the shade functional for moving up and down it did not fit exactly against the inset frame. As a result, tiny beams of light would slip through the cracks and light up my pillow. Several times a night I would get up and rearrange the shade and jab it into place to obliterate the shards of light coming through. Sometimes it took several attempts to get it just right. (Get up, poke the shade, arrange the toys, poke the shade, go back to bed, get up, poke the other side of the shade, go back to bed, get up, fix the toys, hit knee on night stand, start crying, tell parents I’m fine, no, nothing is wrong, I just hit my knee, I’m fine.) I wanted to leave the shade closed once I got it right but in the morning my grandma would come in and pop the shade so I would have to adjust it all over again at bedtime that night.

Since my childhood bedroom was next to the bathroom someone would inevitably turn the hall light on and even though I had toys on the floor to keep normal light out, the sharp permeating light from the hallway bulb was too close to my room and would shine through the remaining cracks of the door all around the sides and top. Unless I hammered nails through more stuffed toy barriers all around the top and sides of the door, eliminating my ability to come and go, I was doomed and just waited. That light was never on for long so I didn’t do anything about it except toss and turn and wait until they turned it off. Then I had to wait for the bathroom noise to cease which could be a bath or brushing of teeth or all the other things we do in there. [In an effort to get my room dark enough my dad painted my room a very pretty DARK shade of turquoise. I loved it and it did help.]

Our home was a modest three bedroom two bathroom home and four of us lived there: mom, dad, Grammy and me. Being an only child was probably a blessing because it was a relatively quiet home for someone who had insomnia but even in a primarily adult home there were noises. Someone would open or close a cupboard or a door, or let the dog out (I wood hear the clicking of her nails on our patio which was right outside my bedroom), or talk, or read the paper in the breakfast nook (crinkle crinkle crinkle crinkle), flush, talk on the phone, answer the phone, snore, cough, sneeze, you know: life.

When morning came I was a zombie most days. I recall teachers telling me that I needed to get more rest, go to bed earlier, don’t watch TV (which we didn’t even have until much later). I didn’t know I had insomnia nor did I even know what the word meant but I would try to explain that I didn’t sleep well and they would blame it on a list of possible causes created by me not being a compliant child. Pressuring a child who already can’t sleep? Not good. I also had a budding learning disability that no one figured out and I was given grief about that too. (That little disability will be discussed in a future blog. I was a full blown adult when it was finally diagnosed and I have Cher to thank for its discovery.)

Nothing has changed significantly since those early years except that now I know how to cope with insomnia (a little) and now I’m in business for myself so that if I have a nonsleep night I adjust my day accordingly. When I feel bad I take a little nap or rest if I can’t nap. I give in to it now and don’t beat myself up in the middle of the night if I’m experiencing one or more of my sleeping “issues.”

A few years ago I gave into it completely while still working at my government job and wrote a novel. Most of it was written in the middle of the night. I’d go to work the next day in a complete fog but I loved writing it so much I didn’t care. And it was a rare period in my life when I didn’t suffer from insomnia though I still had it. I just didn’t suffer because I loved writing my novel.

The most important thing about sleep deprivation is you must catch up. Whatever you’ve lost, you must give back. In my office years I barely made it to Friday night. But somehow throughout the weekend of chores and home maintenance for the following week (and children years ago) I would find a way to catch up on my sleep, a little, and would begin another week. As I mentioned in my previous diet blogs, sleep deprivation and weight issues are connected. Something about messing with the metabolism without proper sleep. Oh, lucky me!

Next week, the many worlds of insomnia. No, there’s not just one! (It’s 3:35 a.m. Too tired to post the blog and will wait until I have my coffee in a couple of hours. At that time I’ll check this for typos.)

www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com

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Losing Weight and Suffering-Part 3 of 3

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The first thing a serious, experienced dieter must consider is: will this weight loss plan fit into my normal daily life. Most serious plans try to do this but over the long haul they fail for many of us. Ultimately, we all want to eat the way we were raised or the way we have changed in our own adult lives. Some of us have managed to become great cooks, but not necessarily healthy cooks. Ever watch the Food Network? Some of those shows provide all the information one needs to prepare the body for a heart attack.

But even some of the highly praised weight loss plans have flaws for some of us. One of the world’s most famous and successful weight loss plans did not work for me at all. I gained 8 pounds the first week I tried it. When I went for my weekly weigh-in the very kind consultant did not scold me but suggested perhaps I had questions about the plan and she went over it with me later in the session. She was not convinced I understood the plan, she explained it was a learning curve; I was to give her a call if I had questions. She asked if I had measuring tools with easy to read numbering and that perhaps I wasn’t measuring properly.

Because she was so sweet and caring I didn’t pound her head into the giant scale with my tubby foot but the bottom line was--I did it all absolutely according to “plan” and gained 8 pounds. After three weeks I gave up because though I didn’t gain more weight I didn’t lose anything either. My consultant was sorry to hear I was quitting but encouraged me to continue on my own. I don’t think she got it. I could not lose on this plan and had to try something else. Many years later I did try the plan again because it had changed. I gained 5 pounds that time.

That’s because many heavy people, contrary to what we see on TV, do not eat the amount of food you think they do. I know some people deserve their fat bodies but many just eat too much for their bodies, but---not for yours. I have worked with countless people over the years who eat the most unbelievably poor diets and eat all day and snack and go out to eat constantly and are fast food fiends. Their idea of exercise is to walk to lunch at Burger King instead of driving. Yet, these people were not heavy. I on the other hand would bring my little diet bag to work and very rarely ate out because of the weight gain issue but it didn’t matter. I was the heavy one and the others were not. Disheartening? Yep.

[During my long dieting career and many failures I found Fen-phen. Fen-phen was an anti-obesity medication (an anorectic) which consisted of two drugs: fenfluramine and phentermine. Fenfluramine, and later, a related drug, dexfenfluramine, were, sadly, shown to cause potentially fatal pulmonary hypertension and heart valve problems, which eventually led to their withdrawal from the weight loss market. Phentermine was not shown to cause harmful effects but I think the combination with fenfluramine is what caused the problem.

I took this combination and had weekly check-ups to make sure I was okay and I was more than okay. I felt the best I have felt in years, slept like a baby, and lost over 60 pounds. My Type II diabetes was g-o-n-e. I was never hungry. I had to remind myself to eat. I was always surprised to see it was lunchtime and I would pull out my very small simple meal and could not finish it. I had so much energy I danced through every day.

Yeah, I know, it was speed. It was speed marketed and prescribed by doctors as a weight loss method. You know, if your doctor prescribes it it has to be good; right? Ugh. At any rate, my doctor took me off the Fen-phen when the news about the heart valve issue hit the fan, but I was devastated. It is the only period in my entire life where I never felt hunger and slept well. There is still controversy over its use and apparently it can be found in other countries. I won’t try it again because of the “speed” factor and related health issues and my age and because I know I can feel better by eating better and being active. I mention it only because it was an extreme option to losing weight and like I said in the beginning, I’ve really tried them all.]

Sadly, each time a weight loss plan fails it’s very hard to get started with another. But over time I did—again and again. Some plans were great and I lost weight but only with suffering and deprivation. Sticking to various plans during birthdays, Christmas, family gatherings, going out to lunch and ordering lettuce, is all about suffering. Many weight loss entities suggest how to eat out but if you are going to a restaurant that specializes in Italian food and all your friends are digging into the house special it is agony to substitute your plan’s suggestions for dining out. Sure, it can be done but it is not fun and it is usually not satisfying. And let me point out again that Type II diabetics are usually hungry all the time, even after eating, unless we eat simple carbohydrates (which make us feel great but are deadly for Type II folks).  

However, on many occasions I have been strong and have ordered a simple salad with dressing on the side. To add insult to injury, sometimes in group situations the bill is split evenly and I end up paying $25 for lettuce with the nearly untouched dressing on the side.

And so here I am today and I’m doing okay. I’m very active with my little business (which requires more physical activity than I thought it would) and with my treadmill, dog walking and gardening. I eat simple foods prepared at home (brown rice and whole grains, beans, vegetables and fruit), and I’m slowly, again, losing weight. [As of this writing, week three, 12 pounds]. It’s May and when the holidays come around I will no doubt gain a sizable amount back but I hope not. I made it through my birthday without a weight gain and I’m planning on being careful with subsequent events and holidays. When the weather is bad my treadmill is a deluxe model and has built in programs to challenge me. I have everything I need, and know everything I need to know, to lose weight and stay healthy. Can I do it? Sure. I have before.

www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com

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Losing Weight and Suffering-Part 2 of 3

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Most weight loss plans work; even the goofy and scary plans. At some point, however, reality comes back and our lifestyles defeat us. All our hard work slowly slips away because we lack the ability to control our weight management plans over the long haul. The diet and exercise industry thrives because of these failures.

Exercise. Some plans encourage exercise above all else. Some plans expect you to quit your job and leave your family so that you can devote all your waking hours to exercising. My adult children are currently regular attendees at gyms in their respective towns. They go to the gym after work and get home quite late. They can do this because they are not married with children. They can go home and do the few things needed to survive the workweek and fall into bed. I’ve tried this method when I had a family and later when I had a partial family and it is not workable long term for most of us. I actually wanted to see my kids at the end of the day.

The other exercise issue is what plan to follow. There are as many exercise plans for weight loss as there are food plans. Many suggest 15 to 20 minutes a day, three days a week. What bull. That’s barely enough to keep your heart beating. (I’ve tried that.) Many suggest gym memberships. (See aforementioned desire to see children.) Some suggest home equipment (I have had many and currently I have a treadmill). There are step-by-step DVDs, countless books, and thousands of magazine articles. I’ve tried many combinations of exercises and I’m also an extremely active person. Currently, I walk my dog for an hour every day and my daughter’s dog for 30 to 45 minutes or so every day (different neighborhoods and the dogs have different walking styles so I don’t often walk them together without injuring myself with entwined leashes) and I maintain a small business, which requires an amazing amount of physical activity, and I garden several times a week. Not the fun planting flowers gardening. I do the crawling under the bushes and pulling weeds gardening. This is where I’m at today and I honestly can’t manage another activity during my already busy day.

Besides the cost of gym membership, I have always had an “ew” factor when it comes to public cleanliness. I do not relish touching equipment previously sweated upon by unknown humans with varying degrees of hygiene management. I also do not like to either be hit on (in my younger days) or even worse, sneered at because I don’t look like Jennifer Aniston. I’d rather grunt and groan in the privacy of my own home. Or jog with my dog(s).

But the most important part of a healthy life is to be active. Gardening, walking, jogging, errands on foot when possible instead of the car, moving with vigor instead of barely moving, all contribute to a healthier life. Throwing in a specific exercise plan if possible is a bonus but rather than be defeated by such a plan, just being as active as possible consistently throughout the day in the long run is the best possible and do-able choice.

Because I’m a professional dieter it has been my experience that food is more important in my weight loss than exercise. I can hear thunderous denouncements throughout the Internet but it’s been MY experience. I have engaged in some intense exercise programs and followed a diet prescribed by the exercise plan only to lose nothing over several months. However, I have dieted without exercise and have lost weight as long as I am active and slightly hungry. If I feel a little hungry for the bulk of a week I lose weight. Whether or not I exercise has absolutely no impact on that part of my weight loss plan. It’s the pangs of hunger that allow me to lose weight. It’s deprivation and suffering over a period of time that gets the weight off for me. And for most overweight people I know. Again, if there are nonbelievers, check out weight loss on the Internet. There are millions of sad dieters trying everything under the sun. All they really have to do is eat less, eat better, be a little hungry, and be active. It’s truly that simple.  

I now exercise for general physical agility and health and have given up hoping it will help me lose weight. It is necessary to keep the body going and to keep fit and it’s important for the heart and lungs. All of that goes together so that if you are dieting along with it you do derive a benefit from it in your overall health. But I have given up thinking I’m going to lose weight with exercise as my primary tool. For me and countless others I have known, it’s what we eat and how much we eat. The exercise is a must for the rest of it but the food quantity and quality is key. And if you come from a gene pool designed to resist a famine, like myself, then you have to work a little harder.

I have watched various movie star interviews over the years and over the past few years, in particular, some of the young women have been very honest about how they maintain their figures. They spend HOURS every day with a personal trainer and they have chefs that prepare perfect meals. Some of these women admit to not eating at social events but rather picking at their meals and pretending to eat. Many have said they eat first at home rather than indulge. For them it’s crucial to stay competitive in their field. For the rest of us, it’s crucial to be healthy to live a long life.

I remember a period, a short period, when I attended a gym and when I got home I quickly prepared a meal for myself and the kids and then did whatever routine things I needed to do and I absolutely had no time for much else. Food preparation and exercise became my entire life. If I wasn’t exercising or preparing food I was shopping for food or cleaning up the mess from the preparation and consumption of the food. Saturdays and Sundays were spent organizing foods for the week. Yeah, there’s no suffering there. (Let us not forget laundry and all the other stuff we do during the week.)

Fad diets make you feel awful so it’s better to choose healthy foods and eat small amounts of them several times a day. Information about healthy food choices is everywhere. But for me here’s the problem with such a simple plan. I do just fine on my own in my little house preparing simple healthy foods. But I’m not a hermit and I do socialize. So I prepare my lovely simple foods all week and lose a few pounds then go out to one or two lunches or dinners and completely blow that small weight loss sometimes ending the week with zero weight loss or sometimes a gain. 

Another facet of weight loss is your physical body type and situation. When you are “matronly” it is difficult to keep going down on the scale if you eat out. In my case, at my age, (Social Security plus) and with Type II diabetes, there is very little room for food management errors. I have discovered that if I don’t spend the bulk of my week hungry I will not lose weight and if I go out to eat more than three or four times a month I will not lose weight. And I’m talking about perfect attention to healthy eating the remainder of my week/month. In other words, I maintain my matronly body. If I were at goal weight this would be fantastic. I am not at my goal weight.

Goal weight. I’ve been at my goal weight countless times. I’ve even been able to manage my goal weight for several months. But somehow over time the pounds come back and it’s usually because I’ve entered into a more social part of life. Maybe too many weddings, birthdays, or the holidays or a vacation. At some point I lose the will to eat lettuce at someone’s baby shower and find a piece of cake sitting on my lap. Almost without thinking I eat it. Don’t get me wrong though. I’ve spent many baby showers with only a cup of tepid tea. In the end, it doesn’t matter. I will gain those pounds back.

When we see very large people on TV being tortured by trainers and weight loss professionals we know in our hearts that most of these people will not be able to maintain these new weights without tremendous attention to lifestyle changes (or having the trainers move in with them). Slowly slowly slowly they start eating out and making poor choices. Often poor choices come when we are busy. It’s much easier to eat something you can swing by and pick up and not cook than to prepare a meal.

This evening for example I made a very healthy meal and I made enough to refrigerate leftovers for a few days. It took a little over an hour to prepare the meal and place the leftovers in individual containers. That doesn’t include eating the meal and cleaning up after. Let’s say it took about two hours total. So I always prepare enough when I cook to have leftovers for a few more meals. Often we don’t have that hour in our lives and that’s when we get into trouble. Note: I did that when my kids were home but one of them, who shall remain nameless, ate the leftovers. And this same child often ate all of the planned leftovers prior to them becoming leftovers. You know who you are.

And not all bodies are created equal. Some of us simply have a tough time losing weight no matter what we do. Or have an even more difficult time keeping it off. And that’s me. Depending on the origins of your gene pool you could be in for a lifelong struggle. Yes, the American diet and fast food frenzy is certainly partially responsible but it is not making everyone fat. Just those of us who have a propensity to be fat based on our ancestral beginnings and mergings. Sadly, some formerly thin gene pools come to this country and change the pool by embracing our eating styles. And it isn’t just fast food. Restaurant portions are huge, ingredients are not always healthy, and preparation methods are not always weight management friendly. It’s hard to lose weight, it’s hard to keep it off, and it’s hard to live in a vacuum where you are never exposed to destructive foods.

In my case, it’s a major health concern to eat the healthiest foods I can. I do that 80% of the time. But I am not fooled by the fact that the 20% I don’t watch is the problem. Next Sunday will be the last blog on this topic because I am going to discuss insomnia after that which also contributes to weight problems. Yeah, I have raging insomnia too.

www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com

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Losing Weight and Suffering-Part 1 of 3

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I would like to start by defending the title of this blog series. I’m a professional dieter. If degrees were given for dieting I’d have a PhD. There is nothing I don’t know about dieting, nothing I haven’t tried, including the popular program in the ‘70s consisting of injections from the urine of pregnant women and all the major diets: the good, the bad, and the ugly. I can lose weight and I have lost hundreds of pounds. I always end up back in my current state: matronly.

For those who do not diet or have never dieted or should diet but haven’t, these blogs are for you.

First, the word “diet” is not about weight loss. It’s simply what you eat. You may have a diet of M&Ms (I know someone who only ate M&Ms day in and day out and she was skinny) or a diet of tomatoes. Whatever you eat is your diet. I believe the more enlightened way of putting it these days is “weight management.” Or more correctly, weight mismanagement. That’s because it is the individual’s poor eating style for his or her body that is the problem. I know there are some people with glandular problems but most of us in the overweight world simply do not manage our weight properly. Note: never compare what you eat to what your friends, neighbors, or coworkers eat. It can be very depressing. I know a tiny woman who eats more than I do and we are about the same age.

I was a trim child, a pudgy adolescent, a less pudgy early teen, a skinny teen, a skinny young adult, a pregnant whale, twice, and then settled into yo-yo dieting with Type II Diabetes as a chaser.   That’s where I am today.

During my life, especially as a child, I was always hungry. I was so hungry after school that I would shake and sometimes get foggy-headed. I could not do my homework until after dinner even though I was encouraged to do so because they did not want me to stay up late on a school night. I remember BEGGING for something to eat and when denied because dinner was in an hour I would sneak spoonfuls of sugar from the sugar bowl and would feel better immediately. I often had a small after school snack but it did not take care of the deep, gnawing hunger.

I learned years later that it was low blood sugar, the opposite of what I have now, and is a precursor to Adult Onset Diabetes, which oddly is “high” blood sugar. Go figure.  Doctors determined I did not have Juvenile Diabetes. Had we known then what we know now perhaps I might have had a better handle on my health as an adult. (Probably not though. Who cares about health when you’re a kid or even a young adult?)

Some women find themselves with gestational diabetes when they are pregnant and that happened to me with my first child. It went away after my son’s birth and it did not appear during my second pregnancy. I was warned, however, that it would probably come back “some day.” That’s odd to me now because no one ever told me why. I believe I now know why. I gained too much weight with that pregnancy and though many women do, my body, in particular my pancreas, could not handle the insulin required. A little genetic squeeze I got from my dad’s side of the family. It meant that from that point forward I needed to pay close attention to my diet. I was 27 and not interested in that information. I loved to cook and I loved to eat and to go out and I was (and still am) addicted to sweets. Fortunately I have never been addicted to alcohol or drugs because I’ve known some diabetics who were and they are no longer with us. 

I have taken a number of classes on nutrition over the years and one class was all about Adult Onset Diabetes. It was the best class I have ever taken on the topic of weight management. First, we were all there for the same reason: we were having a hard time managing our diabetes and needed help with meal planning and exercise. Many of my classmates were new to diabetes and were horrified to learn that the remainder of their lives would be devoted to planning and preparing foods in a completely different way than ever before in their lives. Many were very heavy, most were late middle aged, and all were worried. One was a chef’s daughter and about to launch a new restaurant with yummy foods. However, at the conclusion of the course she prepared treats for us but prepared them in the style she learned during the class and they were great.

Not all heavy people have diabetes. The reason we see more and more people with diabetes is because they may have a predisposition to it IF they do not manage their weight and health properly. And for a potential diabetic, that’s something that should be done very early on, particularly when women get pregnant. I know many women who gained tremendous amounts of weight during pregnancy but when talking with them about their family trees they do not know of anyone with diabetes. Just knowing your family health history would be a great benefit to preventing Type II diabetes in many cases. Or delaying its onset. My next onset occurred when I was 42.

Because of this disease I have tried many weight loss plans. Some have actually been quite good. However, most of them are unrealistic in our society and I have fallen victim to feeling deprived if I can’t indulge in life’s little food goodies. Though I have often managed to find a sensible, healthy weight loss plan I can’t seem to keep the weight off. I’m great at maintaining though! (Before I close for this week I would like to point out that I am currently eating a sensible high fiber, complex carb diet with fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and beans and brown rice. I prepare these foods with little or no fat and I keep the meals simple. When testing my blood sugar it is normal. I haven’t lost a single pound.) Next Sunday the “E” word.

www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com

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Writing/Publishing Your Great American Novel-Part 6 of 6

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Working with the self-publishing house I selected (authorhouse.com) was fantastic. I was assigned my own personal representative and she did it all. She explained everything I needed to know, suggested a myriad of services, and kept me informed on every step of the process. I paid only for the services I could afford and she suggested many ideas for the first time author. I had a credit card I set up that I used specifically for my publication and marketing needs.

After the book finally went to print I received a copy of it in the mail. It was a surprise from the publisher. I stood at my mailbox for a very long time staring at it. It was, as I said before, like having a baby. I cradled my little book baby and was filled with emotion. By the time I floated back to the house I was in another world.

After the first couple of weeks I was given lists of things to do by the publisher and I immediately started in. I contacted many local bookstores and, in particular, a bookstore in my hometown. I prepared letters of introduction and actually enclosed a copy of my book so that the managers could get a feel of what I had to offer. The publisher provided sample letters of introduction, beautiful postcards, business cards, flyers, press releases, etc. Not a single bookstore agreed to a book signing, not even in my small hometown. I was stunned. I kept sending it out and I received nothing in return. I then read that I should follow up with phone calls or visits. I did that a few times and got big fat “no thank yous.”

I continued reading methods of a successful launch and learned it was a smart idea to join local literary clubs, organizations, associations, and groups. I found quite a few and picked one to start and I began their online application, but there at the bottom of the application, in bold letters: “no self-published authors.” (Note to similar organizations: please put this information at the TOP of the application.)

Now, I don’t know about you but I’ve certainly read a lot of iffy books in my life and I know my book is not in that category nor does self-publishing automatically mean my work was turned down by traditional publishers and agents. No indeed because none of them ever read it. It may be rough around the edges for a first effort but I have received countless emails praising my story and characters. Many of my emails request a sequel!  I suppose to be fair the literary group I tried to join didn’t know that, but perhaps a screening which includes sample writings or even the book should be requested before they flatly refuse your admission to their elite group(s). Again, as in all areas of life, snobbery is alive and well.

Around this time my sister and I planned a lovely reception in the art gallery she shared with her artist friends in a beautiful upscale town in northern California. I invited a large group of family and friends, we had a lovely buffet and wine, and it was a fantastic launching of my book. I hired a professional photographer and a guitarist and the evening was truly spectacular. I received a disc from the photographer which I converted into a slideshow with music that I placed on my website.  I started selling copies via email.  More recently the last couple of years I’ve taken copies to my craft fairs, farmers markets, and festivals (I also have a small craft business).

Through much effort on my part I finally got it out there and began to enjoy a modest return for that effort. I receive emails from all over the country from strangers. Sometimes people at the craft fairs are visiting relatives or friends here from out of state and they take one of my books home then share it with their family and friends. The book has tremendous eye appeal and some people actually purchase the book simply because it’s beautiful—thanks to Mylette’s amazing artistic talent.

Had I prepared a larger advertising budget, which I’m planning for the second book, I believe it would have launched more smoothly. There are many promotions I tried that I would not waste my time doing again. My profits were modest and by modest I don’t mind telling you that I was able to carpet my house and take a little trip or two with friends on the proceeds. And for me, that was fine. I mostly wanted to write and publish and I did. And it still sells and I still promote it. It has been a rewarding experience in countless ways and now I know what to do the next time.

When I visit book stores with my son, which is every time we get together, I immediately go to the research computers that are placed around the stores for customers and type in the name of my book and it pops up with my beautiful book cover. I leave it there for all to see.  My little baby is all grown up and out in the world. (Next week: The Diet)

www.sharonstrawhandgarner.com

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